Tuesday, May 22, 2012
This morning
Ok kalau tak caya..yes kulit muka ai dah better..this morning sesiap without make up,no nothing..kira suci giler..
oopsssieeee..sorry mata bengkak..macam biasa..and yes my mata adalah satu sepet giler and satu tak seimbang..argh!!! sebab tu kena make up kasi tak nampak ketara sesangat..ni muka baru lepas masak nasi goreng cina untuk jual pagi ni and baru jer sesiap nak gi keje pagi ni..see i've told you rite that my muka nampak suci giler..ngeh ngeh..alhamdulillah my kulit muka tak bermasalah...cuma tone tak sekata but now better lah dari dedolu..
Happy Birthday Ayah!
Genap pukul 12 dah ni..yesterday was ur birthday and sorry ina lambat msg or call you.No matter what you are still my dad whom i love deary..
Tonite on our way back dari makan nasi arab you called and dengan bangganya ayah mintak kek with angka 66..hahaha..suweeettt dengar.Tak pernah ayah call and mintak kek ni.Siap cakap kalau tak dapat buat kan ayah kek 66 tu,tempah kat kedai.And me being your notty gal siap dah set dalam otak mau buat cupcake and susun susun jadi number 66..hahahahaha..sonang kojo den..hahahaha...
And me buat jokes bengong.. "since ayah tak leh makan nasi arab kitaorg kuar and celebrate birthday ayah and makan on behalf of ayah" hahahaha...
Yes my dad sebelum sakit even now he always be the one who cracks the jokes.He's the joker among adik beradik dia.kadang kadang anak anak sedara cucu semua tunggu apalah lawak dia nak buat masa family gathering.
Dulu masa ayah sihat dia pernah buat speech lepas pencen dia nak kuarkan duit pencen and nak pi Paris stay with my cousin.Thts makes us cracks with laughter..hahaha..adoi ayah den nak pi Paris..kang orang cakap French dia cakap Jawa plak kang..haha..
Yes dad i miss you and all your jokes..cecepatlah sihat and be like you used to be.Dari dulu sampai sekarang ayah always be on my back..setiap kali jatuh setiap kali itulah he be there.I know i have hurt him so many times..Setiap kali my mum cuba nak pukul (yes my mum garang) setiap kali itulah i will be hiding behind him.
I remember one incident bila i really really nak pergi cuti in KL since dah sampai KL my mum nak cecepat balik pulak.I sulk and hide myself in my aunty's room..tak mau balik..so of coz my mum mengamuk giler..habis kena lah kan..but ayah makes me hide behind him dari kena pukul.And yes then ptg dia bawak jugak we all naik kuda kat Titiwangsa.
Masa cuti sekolah yearssss back i merajuk sebab ayah tak bawak jalan cuti,yes sejak dulu kalau merajuk i keep myself quiet..and tetiba dia bawak one whole family cuti kat Melaka..sampai sekarang ai ingat chalet tu..it was one of the best holiday!..
Last 4 years back,masa tu i was preparing myself nak balik Lumut..petang tu ayah suruh ai urut kaki dia..i urut..tapi demi Allah masa tu perasaan memang tak sedap hati.Malam tu the whole journey hati masih tak sedap.Till that morning around 4am my sis call saying ayah strok..Ya Allah rasa gugur jantung ni.Airmata ni tak kering..i cant sleep..pagi itu i took the first bus back to KL...ayat pertama ayah yang ai dengar was "Cantik ko pakai tudung putih"..Alhamdulillah after full observation ayah makin ok..
Ujian dari Allah tak henti takat tu..it continue..tapi my dad is a fighter..he fight till now..and last year sekali lagi ujian datang..which kali ni not him but me..i till remember what dad said to mum "Cukuplah..kalau dah lebih 100 kali ina buat salah..redha lah" this he said to mum when mak bercerita every single thing "he" told her to ayah..dulu dia pernah called ayah (that time ayah was not in good condition..high blood) ..ayah turun KL and meet us up..that day in front of mak and ayah..he promise he will take care of me no matter what..but now..he leaves me..Ina mintak maaf pada ayah and mak sebab i have made mistakes..Before the trial,ayah called and asked me not to cry..tapi i still cry...almost every night he called me just to make sure am ok..
Ayah, banyak nya benda yang ina buat ayah sakit hati..ina mintak maaf ..but Allah tahu apa isi dalam hati ni..i love you so much..i would even trade my life with you if only it will make you sihat..Selamat Hari Jadi ayah..ina sayang ayah ..harapan ina..for you to be strong and always be fighter..
Tonite on our way back dari makan nasi arab you called and dengan bangganya ayah mintak kek with angka 66..hahaha..suweeettt dengar.Tak pernah ayah call and mintak kek ni.Siap cakap kalau tak dapat buat kan ayah kek 66 tu,tempah kat kedai.And me being your notty gal siap dah set dalam otak mau buat cupcake and susun susun jadi number 66..hahahahaha..sonang kojo den..hahahaha...
And me buat jokes bengong.. "since ayah tak leh makan nasi arab kitaorg kuar and celebrate birthday ayah and makan on behalf of ayah" hahahaha...
Yes my dad sebelum sakit even now he always be the one who cracks the jokes.He's the joker among adik beradik dia.kadang kadang anak anak sedara cucu semua tunggu apalah lawak dia nak buat masa family gathering.
Dulu masa ayah sihat dia pernah buat speech lepas pencen dia nak kuarkan duit pencen and nak pi Paris stay with my cousin.Thts makes us cracks with laughter..hahaha..adoi ayah den nak pi Paris..kang orang cakap French dia cakap Jawa plak kang..haha..
Yes dad i miss you and all your jokes..cecepatlah sihat and be like you used to be.Dari dulu sampai sekarang ayah always be on my back..setiap kali jatuh setiap kali itulah he be there.I know i have hurt him so many times..Setiap kali my mum cuba nak pukul (yes my mum garang) setiap kali itulah i will be hiding behind him.
I remember one incident bila i really really nak pergi cuti in KL since dah sampai KL my mum nak cecepat balik pulak.I sulk and hide myself in my aunty's room..tak mau balik..so of coz my mum mengamuk giler..habis kena lah kan..but ayah makes me hide behind him dari kena pukul.And yes then ptg dia bawak jugak we all naik kuda kat Titiwangsa.
Masa cuti sekolah yearssss back i merajuk sebab ayah tak bawak jalan cuti,yes sejak dulu kalau merajuk i keep myself quiet..and tetiba dia bawak one whole family cuti kat Melaka..sampai sekarang ai ingat chalet tu..it was one of the best holiday!..
Last 4 years back,masa tu i was preparing myself nak balik Lumut..petang tu ayah suruh ai urut kaki dia..i urut..tapi demi Allah masa tu perasaan memang tak sedap hati.Malam tu the whole journey hati masih tak sedap.Till that morning around 4am my sis call saying ayah strok..Ya Allah rasa gugur jantung ni.Airmata ni tak kering..i cant sleep..pagi itu i took the first bus back to KL...ayat pertama ayah yang ai dengar was "Cantik ko pakai tudung putih"..Alhamdulillah after full observation ayah makin ok..
Ujian dari Allah tak henti takat tu..it continue..tapi my dad is a fighter..he fight till now..and last year sekali lagi ujian datang..which kali ni not him but me..i till remember what dad said to mum "Cukuplah..kalau dah lebih 100 kali ina buat salah..redha lah" this he said to mum when mak bercerita every single thing "he" told her to ayah..dulu dia pernah called ayah (that time ayah was not in good condition..high blood) ..ayah turun KL and meet us up..that day in front of mak and ayah..he promise he will take care of me no matter what..but now..he leaves me..Ina mintak maaf pada ayah and mak sebab i have made mistakes..Before the trial,ayah called and asked me not to cry..tapi i still cry...almost every night he called me just to make sure am ok..
Ayah, banyak nya benda yang ina buat ayah sakit hati..ina mintak maaf ..but Allah tahu apa isi dalam hati ni..i love you so much..i would even trade my life with you if only it will make you sihat..Selamat Hari Jadi ayah..ina sayang ayah ..harapan ina..for you to be strong and always be fighter..
Monday, May 21, 2012
Jun
Early of June i will be away..yes for a few days.Ada errands that i need to do..and i will be meeting up with few friends.Tak sabar rasanya..sebab its been a while tak jumpa kawan kawan yang i can laugh,cry together..so i will definitely take this opportunity to meet them up.
Rasanya agenda memang penuh and banyak gilerrrr..but sesampai jer there's one thing i need to do..settle tu semua then i will be meeting my friends..hehe...
Yang pasti diaorg kena banjer ai..best!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rasanya agenda memang penuh and banyak gilerrrr..but sesampai jer there's one thing i need to do..settle tu semua then i will be meeting my friends..hehe...
Yang pasti diaorg kena banjer ai..best!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah...pagi ni buat nasi ayam 9 bungkus and yang confirm order 4 orang and yang balance tu ai main bawak jer.So Alhamdulillah semua habis dijual..penat memang penat tapi agak berbaloi lah jugak..
Esok menu is nasi goreng cina..and hari rabu bihun sup..khamis and jumaat i will not be around sebab ada course kat PJ..haish dah lah susah mau pi sana..menyampah!!! kalau HQ ok lagi..sebab direct jek..ni kalau PJ kena naik komuter then lrt then taxi..cis!!!!
Esok menu is nasi goreng cina..and hari rabu bihun sup..khamis and jumaat i will not be around sebab ada course kat PJ..haish dah lah susah mau pi sana..menyampah!!! kalau HQ ok lagi..sebab direct jek..ni kalau PJ kena naik komuter then lrt then taxi..cis!!!!
Ngeri
So this morning i meet up with a fren of mine yang baru kuar spital after a surgery done..dengar pun ngeri sebab dalam peranakkan dia ada air yang amat banyak and also darah beku.
Sebelum ni kitaorg selalu celebrate piyot sesama.So selalulah dia mengadu kalau piyot pain ke..so a few months back dia mengadu piyot pain yang teruk sampai terbaring2 kat surau ofis,then 2 months ago dia mengadu piyot tak mai..and bila mai amik terus tak berhenti piyot dia..
So last week dia buat check up di spital and found out ada darah beku and ada xtra air dalam peranakkan.This morning she came to me and i got a scold from her sebab tak pi check lagi whts happening pada ai..yelah that pain selalu datang and pergi so i did not take it serius.
She was lucky cause been covered by company but me? suami pun takde..if i went to government lambat prosedur..tgk jerlah my tonsil punya kes..one after one and end up nothing been done..yang ni nak pi sana lagi..hmm tak sanggup..so kalau ai keluar my money maknanya bulan tu nothing can be paid..yes kekangan duit..so i kept my pain in me sudahlah...so jangan tanya lagi kenapa tak buat check up..
Sebelum ni kitaorg selalu celebrate piyot sesama.So selalulah dia mengadu kalau piyot pain ke..so a few months back dia mengadu piyot pain yang teruk sampai terbaring2 kat surau ofis,then 2 months ago dia mengadu piyot tak mai..and bila mai amik terus tak berhenti piyot dia..
So last week dia buat check up di spital and found out ada darah beku and ada xtra air dalam peranakkan.This morning she came to me and i got a scold from her sebab tak pi check lagi whts happening pada ai..yelah that pain selalu datang and pergi so i did not take it serius.
She was lucky cause been covered by company but me? suami pun takde..if i went to government lambat prosedur..tgk jerlah my tonsil punya kes..one after one and end up nothing been done..yang ni nak pi sana lagi..hmm tak sanggup..so kalau ai keluar my money maknanya bulan tu nothing can be paid..yes kekangan duit..so i kept my pain in me sudahlah...so jangan tanya lagi kenapa tak buat check up..
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Beza kulit dulu and now
sorry letak gambar ni..this the pic yang ai ada....and nampak my skin tone..so as you all can see kulit dah ok maybe sebab dah mula jaga muka lah kenkunun..tapi still nampak kusam lagi.
And this is the latest pic..amik last week..yer ai make up but ai cuma pakai olay then one layer of foundation and minerals..thats all..pastu bagi effect smokey yang tak smokey mana kat tang mata...i can see that my kulit bertambah sekata warna..and now ai dah mula take my kologen..terasa effect dia pada skin tone..loike it..so pada yang memuda jangan tunggu tua macam ai baru nak jaga kulit k...i was lucky that my skin bukan jenis yang berjerawat or bermasalah..cuma masalah my skin warna yang sekata..so bila amik kologen plus my olay i can feel that its much much better now..cuma eye bag mula kelihatan sekarang..haish!!..yelah asal malam nanges..asal malam menjiwang..mana tak eye beg makin nampak!!..need to put my teabag..
Kronologi..
Yeah am escaping myself dari fikir pasal dia..but i still cant..rasanya tunggu mati jerlah..confirm wont think anything rite?
So next month on 10th june my sis will get engage..and another 2 hari is his birthday..hmm..lucky that ,that week bz so i will forget rasanya kot..
Then on our 1st year of divorced which is on 10th of Ramadhan on 10th of August..i will be Jakarta tapi somewhere end of the monthlah..at least i hope i will get some ease insyallah..
On 21st of December insyallah i will be going to Penang..staying at the same hotel that i celebrate my 2nd anniversary..recollect those memories..
On my birthday next year i will be in Vietnam..so at least am not alone celebrating it..and at least i wont be the one who's be waiting the whole day hoping that he will at least sms me or call me..so i wont feel devastated sangat..
Yes i berdoa agar akan sentiasa terbuka pintu rezeki so that on those days i can be away ..
So next month on 10th june my sis will get engage..and another 2 hari is his birthday..hmm..lucky that ,that week bz so i will forget rasanya kot..
Then on our 1st year of divorced which is on 10th of Ramadhan on 10th of August..i will be Jakarta tapi somewhere end of the monthlah..at least i hope i will get some ease insyallah..
On 21st of December insyallah i will be going to Penang..staying at the same hotel that i celebrate my 2nd anniversary..recollect those memories..
On my birthday next year i will be in Vietnam..so at least am not alone celebrating it..and at least i wont be the one who's be waiting the whole day hoping that he will at least sms me or call me..so i wont feel devastated sangat..
Yes i berdoa agar akan sentiasa terbuka pintu rezeki so that on those days i can be away ..
This morning
As ai memang tak suka kecah kecah tapi dalam bilik selalu jek bersepah.. :) so the other day dah kemaskan bilik..superb best bila bilik bersih..and today cuci bilik air,kemas rumah and rearrange here and there lah sesikit..alhamdulillah rumah tak ada perabot..kalau ada dah berpusing2 perabot tu ai kerjakan..
Am so so so rasa seronok bila rumah bersih semua..bukan apa nak beribadah kalau rumah bersepah macam sarang tikus pun tak seronok kan? Thts my habitlah kalau sepah jer memula am ok tapi kalau dah masuk seminggu lebih rasa tak keruan dok terfikir bila nak buat.So today alhamdulillah dapat buat semua tu.
Tapi tulah end up the pain keep coming..haish!!
Ni terbaring sat sebab sakit lah ni..sib semua dah siap kecuali lipat baju jek..sebab tang lipat ai memang pemalash lipas.I hate lipat baju and gosok baju..Sebab tu kebanyakkan baju adalah hang ajo..and baju yang dibeli 80% adalah baju yang tak perlu digosok..hahaha...
Anyway cerita pasal kemas mengemas nih..my actual minat or cita cita selepas SPM is to be an interior designer.Yes i love interior..suka yang amat amat..but ada kekangan..so masa dulu kids cant make their decision so terbenam lah cecita tu..tu yang mendecorate rumah ..my habit of rearrange perabot sejak kecik lagi..rumah Muar ada 3 bilik,master which is for dad and mum the bilik tengah and bilik belakang.So masa dulu my bro belajar asrama so ai amik bilik tengah and sis bilik belakang..
So dah ada bilik sendiri asyik asyik lah perabot bertukar.Paling ai ingat ada sekali tu memang ai kena smack from Ayah lah since ai tak nak langsung kongsi bilik..hahaha..lepas ayah beli TV baru TV lama ala ala kena ppusing pakai playar tu ai bawak masuk bilik as if my room is a room yang macam mat salleh ada TV semua..haha..mengong!!siap makan semua dalam bilik tu okeh..buruk perangai..ada kala sampai ketua okeh..especially bila ai merajuk.Tu yang sampai ada aduan sampai ke my parents kan..hmm..yes when am sulk i prefer to be away dari semua orang and stay in my own room..Tak perlu nak menyampai segala cerita buruk pada parents ai cause they know who i am..what if am the one who told all your bad attitude to your parents? nak buat macamana bila dah benci segala galanya busuk..apa pun kebaikkan tak akan dipandang langsung..thts what man created for..when they need it they will be so gentle..they die to get it..but when they got what they want they can leave it ..they arent gonna remember their promise before,they are not gonna remember apa kebaikkan...all they see is the bad side..yeah then..thts life kan? they just happy with that kinda life..
Dulu i used to be so lost when atuk's gone.I used to cry every night in that room..if the walls can talk am sure they gonna say that i did write so many things on them..sebab i love to express my feelings by writting using my fingers kat dinding..invisible lah kenkunun..it took me so long okeh to be calm..
I will be so damn secure when am in my own room..my own small cubicle..my own world..kadang kadang ada rasa macam giler ke hapa nih..but setiap orang ada cara tuk lepas rasa sedih and rasa insecure..i will be so so secure when am in my own room sahaja.Even now..balik kerja all i wanna do is to be in my own room.
Am so so so rasa seronok bila rumah bersih semua..bukan apa nak beribadah kalau rumah bersepah macam sarang tikus pun tak seronok kan? Thts my habitlah kalau sepah jer memula am ok tapi kalau dah masuk seminggu lebih rasa tak keruan dok terfikir bila nak buat.So today alhamdulillah dapat buat semua tu.
Tapi tulah end up the pain keep coming..haish!!
Ni terbaring sat sebab sakit lah ni..sib semua dah siap kecuali lipat baju jek..sebab tang lipat ai memang pemalash lipas.I hate lipat baju and gosok baju..Sebab tu kebanyakkan baju adalah hang ajo..and baju yang dibeli 80% adalah baju yang tak perlu digosok..hahaha...
Anyway cerita pasal kemas mengemas nih..my actual minat or cita cita selepas SPM is to be an interior designer.Yes i love interior..suka yang amat amat..but ada kekangan..so masa dulu kids cant make their decision so terbenam lah cecita tu..tu yang mendecorate rumah ..my habit of rearrange perabot sejak kecik lagi..rumah Muar ada 3 bilik,master which is for dad and mum the bilik tengah and bilik belakang.So masa dulu my bro belajar asrama so ai amik bilik tengah and sis bilik belakang..
So dah ada bilik sendiri asyik asyik lah perabot bertukar.Paling ai ingat ada sekali tu memang ai kena smack from Ayah lah since ai tak nak langsung kongsi bilik..hahaha..lepas ayah beli TV baru TV lama ala ala kena ppusing pakai playar tu ai bawak masuk bilik as if my room is a room yang macam mat salleh ada TV semua..haha..mengong!!siap makan semua dalam bilik tu okeh..buruk perangai..ada kala sampai ketua okeh..especially bila ai merajuk.Tu yang sampai ada aduan sampai ke my parents kan..hmm..yes when am sulk i prefer to be away dari semua orang and stay in my own room..Tak perlu nak menyampai segala cerita buruk pada parents ai cause they know who i am..what if am the one who told all your bad attitude to your parents? nak buat macamana bila dah benci segala galanya busuk..apa pun kebaikkan tak akan dipandang langsung..thts what man created for..when they need it they will be so gentle..they die to get it..but when they got what they want they can leave it ..they arent gonna remember their promise before,they are not gonna remember apa kebaikkan...all they see is the bad side..yeah then..thts life kan? they just happy with that kinda life..
Dulu i used to be so lost when atuk's gone.I used to cry every night in that room..if the walls can talk am sure they gonna say that i did write so many things on them..sebab i love to express my feelings by writting using my fingers kat dinding..invisible lah kenkunun..it took me so long okeh to be calm..
I will be so damn secure when am in my own room..my own small cubicle..my own world..kadang kadang ada rasa macam giler ke hapa nih..but setiap orang ada cara tuk lepas rasa sedih and rasa insecure..i will be so so secure when am in my own room sahaja.Even now..balik kerja all i wanna do is to be in my own room.
Berpura pura
Setiap manusia sentiasa berpura pura..or in other word bermuka muka.Luaran nampak macam tiada apa tapi dalam masyalah ..I have seen and been with this kind of people and i must say at times i do pretend.Apatah lagi dengan situasi sekarang..
When all i did is to pretend am ok when am not,to be smiling when i was crying out loud inside,to be happy when am not..yes semua tu untuk kepentingan semua.Even if it does ruin apa yang ada dalam diri ni.People whom have been thru that journey tentu faham.
I have to say am kinda good pretender now..salah satu sebab i dont wanna make people think am not ok...yes the fact am not ok..
Ada manusia berpura pura baik didepan tapi dibelakang habis dikutuk dicaci..yeah itu hakikat hidup..ada manusia berpura pura alim tapi didalam hati sebenarnya tanpa sedar dah rosak..anyway its not for me to judge..
anyway...
When all i did is to pretend am ok when am not,to be smiling when i was crying out loud inside,to be happy when am not..yes semua tu untuk kepentingan semua.Even if it does ruin apa yang ada dalam diri ni.People whom have been thru that journey tentu faham.
I have to say am kinda good pretender now..salah satu sebab i dont wanna make people think am not ok...yes the fact am not ok..
Ada manusia berpura pura baik didepan tapi dibelakang habis dikutuk dicaci..yeah itu hakikat hidup..ada manusia berpura pura alim tapi didalam hati sebenarnya tanpa sedar dah rosak..anyway its not for me to judge..
anyway...
In Pain
Pepagi bangun and am having the pain lagi..kali ni sampai kepinggang..tapi tulah mai kejap kejap..ni lega sikit..
Jap gi nak basuh baju,lipat kain,sapu rumah ..hope i can do itlah..rimas tengok rumah sepah..
Terasa ni maybe sebab aritu kemas bilik angkat berat2..tu yang meragam.. :(
Jap gi nak basuh baju,lipat kain,sapu rumah ..hope i can do itlah..rimas tengok rumah sepah..
Terasa ni maybe sebab aritu kemas bilik angkat berat2..tu yang meragam.. :(
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