Love me...Love me not....

Getting ready ....

2012-02-02T16:10:00.000+08:00

Packing things..done..
Tickets...done...
Money...done..
Ipad..done..
Gadget...done..

Ok isi fuel dengan penuh untuk berjalan sambil bekerja..ngeh ngeh...erk...tetiba teringat tiket ke Sarawak this month yg t ak pasti nak pi ke idak nih!!!!!hikss

Theres good news after the bad ones

2012-01-31T16:35:00.000+08:00

Lately am not myself..i've been focusing on my job like hell.OT macam nak giler.Semalam sajer hampir ada customer nak kena tumbuk sebab tak faham faham and keep on blaming benda merepek.This is what happened bila Melayu jadi bongkak kerana harta dunia!!! sib i gain my strenght pi belakang suruh org lain handle.Kalau lama sikit memang kena penumbuk sebijik!..arghhhh i wish i could just write this ugly women's name here so that semua tau perangai busuk dia.Keep on saying tunggu husband balik Korea,then dok cite Malaysian Customer Service suck...ok yes we are damn suck but we are suck because of person like this ugly women!!! oh yess am seriusly giler bengang sebab this women keep on cakap Malaysia teruk lah,yang bagus hanya diluar negara lah..bla bla bla..come on you can be anyway you like kalau dah benci sangat Malaysian product..its not because of the place am working am prasing bagai nak rak lah but am Malaysian and am proud using our local brand walau teruk macamana pun.Ok you can brag but tolonglah not in front of me!!!

Then later on datang email yang menggumbirakan..yippie!!!!!!!!! Ada sedikit tak puas hati tapi takpelah what past is past..yang penting mokcik sukeeeee!!!!!!!! yiiiihaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aribaaa aribaaaa..kalau tak datang email tu confirm minah kerek tu kena sumpah seranah 44 hari 44 malam..ngeh ngeh ngeh..now i think am more relax sikit kot..marah ke nak maki ke i will do it here..hahahah..yes my blog now is my punching beg..so siapa yang tahan mata baca leh baca sambil tutup mata k..ahakss..

Ok now am in the office i can write benda yang begini lah but then bila masuk bilik jer..macam macam dalam pala otak..rasa dalam ni no one knows..Dia lebih tahu..aku ngadu dengan Dia sahaja...Dia kekasih akhirat aku not anyone else...peace!

Lonely

2012-01-30T14:41:00.000+08:00

* This song relates whats my feeling currently*

2am, where do I begin

Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed

I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Then you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

Too afraid, to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
For the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep

I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Then you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again
Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there’s only me
And the lonely…

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Then you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

Am in bad shape now...

2012-01-30T14:36:00.000+08:00

You can see me smile but inside am killing myself
You see me laugh inside am crying out loud
You see me happy but truth am not
Am doing everything cause i need to survive...
The hurt,the pain is still there...
Its my faith and destiny..making everyone happy and leaving me in pain...

I miss my old me..

2012-01-28T23:51:00.000+08:00

Yupe i miss my old me badly..lately am having lots of mix feelings.Lately ni banyak sangat flashback..and there are times when my eyes were in tears.Bukan sekali dua but almost everyday.Yes am keep looking forward and am doing just that.Tapi when the flashback came ,ada satu perasaan yang i cant describe in words.

Like this morning me and sister went to pasar borong Selayang and went there with her fren using his car which sama macam kereta waja that used to be mine..and flashback came..the first time we saw the car,the nite he brought me to see the car,the times spent in the car,the stories been told in the car and the best part the "word" he said it in that car..yes i sat at the back of the quietly pretending am asleep padahal tears drop tak berhenti..

My sister used to said "menangislah if you need to cry " so that i could feel better and am doing just that everynight..Am writting all here bukan untuk simpati sesiapa but its the only place i can express my feeling now.I have no one to talk with now..

Ya Allah berilah aku kekuatan sebab sesungguhnya aku tak kuat untuk lupa semua tu,aku cuba buat tapi aku masih belum berdaya lagi..

The Lonely

2012-01-28T12:19:00.000+08:00

"Once there is love..and now its only me"

A Thousand Years....

2012-01-28T11:59:00.000+08:00

"One step closer"

Aktiviti cuti sekolah a month ago

2012-01-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

I had the chance of spending my precious time with my 2 lilttle munchkins kat Muar masa musim cuti sekolah the other day.

Tetiba mak plak cakap nak cabut ubi..oh yessss seronok sebab sesekali nak rasa jadi pekebun berjaya..ahaksss and ada gak aktiviti budak dua tu kat Muar.Oh yes here in new house mak tak angkut TV..hahahah..so amat boring yang amat!!..so kena carik aktiviti selain tido and makan..hahahah..

My lilttle Hero..aish..mamat ni amatlah penggeli..tgklah muka kerut kerut sebab geli kena pegang tanah..hahahahah...

Nia the rock man!!! tak de nak geli ke apa..selamba kodok pegang tanah,sesama cabut ubi,siap pegang parang,cangkul bagai..yeay..minah gangster sungguh k..hahahha..tapi 1st day sekolah nanges!!! hahahaha cengeng sungguh!!..Adam's hair sebijil Aril Peterpan..alahai mat indon sungguh mamat nih!!..anyway sila abaikan bontot besar belakang tu..ish ai rasa macam terletak sikit lah portion lemak tu..ada nampak figure sikit..hahahahha..Premium Beautiful helps alot!! hahaha...

Anyway now am missing my 2 munchkins lah plak! Next month they are going to Thailand,sis going to Australia, dad's undergo for eye surgery and me shud be going to Sarawak (shud be an anniversary gift ..kalau pergi pun i will be away for day or 2 sahaja..alone..) so bulan depan hectic month! haish bila nak jumpa munchkins nih wei??

My 1st Raya alone

2012-01-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

Tonite i had the chance of looking back old pics and yupe i thot am strong enuff now but nope..and best part as am writting this lagu Micheal Learns to Rock -Take Me To Your Heart berkumandang..yupe GOOD timing sungguh!!!

Anyway as i kelebek kelebek gambar i came across to 2 pics taken by my sis on my 1st raya alone.And masa tu everyone was crying.This pics taken on 1st of Hari Raya after mum came back from sembahyang raya.On hari raya bibik,sis and mum trying their best to make the Raya still a Raya for me.They cooked lots of lauk pauk..but i know deep down mum and me were crying like hell in our hearts.Apapun i love all of you for being behind my back.

Tujuan ai letak these pics in my blog so that i will always remember the Raya...the only Raya..

You can see bibik were all in tears...me n mum were in tears...

Dad as usual he looks strong...hanya Dia yang tahu...

A call that *&^&^%$ my day

2012-01-25T18:18:00.000+08:00

Ok honestly today memang hectic day for me..but manage everything well but then ptg tadi received a call yang i would say ruined my whole entire day.Cant reveal who and why this person called me.But yang pasti it hurt me badly...

Yupe mungkin thts part of my fault when i ask too many questions yang mana am the one who gonna get hurt and i hate those feelings...

And lately ni i became more emo when teringatkan my first car..yupe i missed my car badly..i told my family and i told my sister how i missed it badly..huh..anyway its not my car anymore its theirs.. :(

Anyway..mungkin my PMS making me sick and tired dengan semua nih!!!

Am back

2012-01-25T07:33:00.001+08:00

Oh yes am back from Muar malam tadi..penat!!!!!!!!!!!!!so nenantilah update.Gambar dalam Iphone and Ipad sista..had blast with my 2 lilttle munchkins..alamak..tetiba rindu plak ngan diaorang!!!..ngeh ngeh

Stressful day!!

2012-01-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

Ok tak sampai 24hours i tarik nafas lega bout termination case tetiba ada lagi satu case done by one of my staff..and today again another same mistake she made.And yes kalau nak ikutkan memang marah which tak siapa yang amik kisah dengan apa yang terjadi and semua ignore apa yang diajar.

Entah i nak cakap si A rasa tak elok bila nak cakap si B tak elok jugak..so for me sama sama salah..oh yes memang ai marah and ada bengang when my name been tagged along and paling best thts not my fault at all.If anything happened and me been given warning or whatsoever siaplah aku report and i dont care apa cara sekalipun i will buktikan that am not involved at all.If i need the cuatomer to walk in i will tau..

Apa yang ai nampak here in Shah Alam each and everyone take an easy way out.Bila ditanya there is not a single questions been asked..and bila no questions i assumed they know apa yang perlu dibuat.I dont mind answering to questions but mmg ada limit lah..sebab bila berulang kali tanya siapa yang tak marah kan? So the other day i opened for Q&A session not a single question yang keluar..haish!!! apa kes? now one by one case yang keluar..end up me had to do lots of things now..penat and i tak taulah everyday what time i will be back dengan i need to check one by one form semua..

Entahlah..apapun when it comes to work..hati kena ikhlas and be focus.If you asked me now..since day one me working with TM samaada am facing problem or not when it comes to work i gave my focus and attention to it.Alhamdulillah smpai skrang i can say it proud that from Sitiawan,to Terengganu and now in Shah Alam i have made their rates better than before..but if someone put my credibility on jeopardize i cant just sit and watch..i need to do something...haish!!

Sunyinye pagi ni

2012-01-19T04:53:00.000+08:00

Woke up early cause i heard voices..
Tears drop and i feel damn lonely..

* i hate this feeling*

Stomach cramp!!

2012-01-17T09:47:00.000+08:00

Still having the pain sampai sekarang..pagi tadi bangun around 6am then buat pelaburan for 4 times yet later on the pain keep on coming..argh!!!

Sampai opis orang dok cakap muka ai pucat sangat..oh yes i do apply make up sikit lah sebab ths morning mmg tak kuasa nak make up the vogue..now sambil menaip sambil tahan sakit..

The pain dibawah perut and attack sampai ke pinggang..tak meyucuk but rasa kebas and cramp..last friday my leg swollen and lately ni dah tak dah cuma rasa sakit tu jerlah..kalau tak ok by this week rasanya ke spital lah jawabnya!!!help!!!

Sakit!!

2012-01-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

Rasanya dari weekend hari Jumaat ari tu till today am having my stomach cramp..rasanya kencing kotor lagi macam aritu kena..haish...apahal lah plak nih...last weekend mmg my muka n kaki swollen..bengkak tapi ai byk minum air.dulu kena my stomach tak sakit but kali ni sakit giler..

Been in and out of toilet but tarak plak hasil yang keluar..sakit dia kat bahagian ari ari..malam ari tu mmg paling sakit lah..but yang ni lebih pada cramp and rasa nak buang ayor tapi non ado hasilnya...

Kalau tak ok jugak mmg kena spital lah jawabnya..huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Buat keje sampai berkali kali..apa ko ingat aku????????????

2012-01-16T12:33:00.000+08:00

Oh yes this morning my mood adalah amat amat swing and few gals get it lah kan from me..geram mmg geram..pepagi dtg opis ko bagi aku list form yang takde but then i've insert it on 6th y now baru ko check???? tak reti reti nak tgk list every day and settle it every day??? Duduk belakang kat dalam mmg best lah babe asal customer nak maki bukan ko yang kena wei!!!

Ok fine i took the list and ask her dah check ke? and leh plak bermati matian cakap dah lah apalah..ok good! sekali when i took that bundle dalam tak sampai seminit aku dah jumpa dah semua form tu..so apa cer???? pleaselah do your work bebetul babe..sekali dua ok lah but if i need to do it everyday mmg jenis nak kena sekeh!!!..oh yes am so moody..

So this morning jugak ada kes in which ko boleh buat bodo and put blame on ppl..shit lah sangat...takpe there will a day when i will kenakan u giler punyalah k..hahaha

Depression?

2012-01-15T19:00:00.000+08:00

Had the chance of googling thru web how to overcome the feeling that am having rite now..then bang!! They can write they can say thos esweet words and they do that without any feelings..so apasal lah aku bodoh bodoh baca artikel yang merepek suruh this and do that as if if am doing it i will be ok but for real am still like this.

There were so many many times i just wish i can let it go just like what he did but honestly i cant.This weekend when am alone at home i will just stress myself out by doing nothing but crying..yupe i feel so bongok sangat sangat but thats who i am and thts what am feeling.

There were so many times i just wished i could call up frens and have my time with them but bila fikir balik ok am too old for that..and frens my age are having their time with their own family.So end up duduk rumah.Yeah i did went for karaoke few days back with officemates tapi me end up singing all the songs that 'we ' used to sing it together in car.Oh yes my officemates dont know my status.When they ask i will be lying straight to their face.Bodoh kan??? yes my life is just a crap and i hate it..really really hate it.

Siapa yang tak nak dibelai,been hug and kissed? tipu if i said am not lonely..yes am damn lonely! ada masa i just wished theres a man for me..then bila fikirkan what i've gone thru..i skip that part..yupe it did bring a damn big hole in my life rite now.And as for him he can be with anyone he wished for coz am not part of him anymore...

Oh hell ya! Am so stressed up with my own feeling now!! and hate it so much!!

Sakit gilerrr...

2012-01-14T10:24:00.000+08:00

Last nite kenapa ntah my internet was not working..bill ok jeks..cissss sungguh!!! so now am in the office doing my joblah kenkununnya..ngeh ngeh..

Anyway last nite at 2am am having stomach cramp which is not period pain k..giler punya sakit yet till now still rasa..macam nak terburai perut okeh dah lah dengan duduk sensorang plak last nite.Maybe sebab semalam x makan fresh food and mam makanan apa yg ada dalam fridge so hamikkkk kooooo...

Dari kul 2am up till almost 4am baru rasa better but still ada rasa kebas tang upper stomach..tulah degil kan makan ntah pape..sebab malash lipas nak masak punya pasal end up berkampung dalam toilet..

So this morning of cozzzzzz wajib bangun lambat..hahahha..bangun kul 7.30am sesiap terusssss zoooom ke opis.Sib bas cepat so tunggu less then a minute benti depan PKNS amik taxi sebab kalo nak harap gue jalan harus sampai opis lambat giler..hehehe..

The two of us

2012-01-12T06:25:00.000+08:00

I wish I knew what has become of the two of us We used to talk, now I can’t speak no more
I’m told I speak way to loud
Nothing I have to say ever comes out right

I wish I knew what has become of the two of us
We used to have fun
Now we can’t stand to be around one another
All we ever seem to do is fight

I wish I knew what has become of the two of us
We used to laugh
Now I’ll I want to do is cry
You no longer hold me in your arms at night

I wish I knew what has become of the two of us
We spoke of the future quite often
Now it just seems bleak and blind
We no longer have the sunshine that is so bright
I wish I knew what has become of the two of us
We don’t seem to see eye to eye
It feels like we move only mechanically
Doesn’t look like there any hope in sight

I wish I knew what has become of the two of us
Nothing seems the same at all
Have we gotten to old to love one another
Has our marriage lost it’s delight?

5 Months

2012-01-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

Dalam diam masa berlalu cepat sangat kan? Yupe am still counting and i will never ever gonna stop it sehingga habis nyawa..5 months dulu and now masih tetap sama.Tak ada satu pun yang berubah kecuali status..yupe am still who i am.

Lepas kerja went to Tesco..jalan with housemate..if lah my housemate tak ajak keluar there is a place i will be at spending my time.

Setiap row barang barang di Tesco i went and all i can remember is what kind of air yang dia suka..makanan apa yang dia akan suka makan,groceries apa yang selalu beli sesama..i nearly burt to tears tadi but all am doing was to hold back the tears..

And now am at my own room and dalam bilik ni lah ai keluarkan apa jua rasa hati ni..Ada ketika rasa jeles melihat org sekeliling happy with their life and me?Mungkin ada yang akan bahagia atau mmg dah pun bahagia dengan hidup mereka..

Apa yang pasti i will never stop to remember tarikh 10 August 2011, 10 Ramadhan every single minute..

If

2012-01-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

Someone used to said to me that if i feel sad i should just cried..i wish if i cried it will just washed all the pain am going thru..

If only i could just do that i will..but now the more i cried it becomes more painful to me..

If only they knew what am going thru...

If only i could say out whats inside me now

If only...

But i know i cant

Weekend

2012-01-07T20:29:00.000+08:00

Tak banyak yang dibuat this weekend.Tadi pagi ke kedai buku..thot of buying a small diary so that i can write my thot n feelings..i hope one day kalau nyawa ni dicabut akan ada yang baca diary tu and tahu apa sebenar benarnya ada dalam hati ni.

Tadi had dinner with sis kat gerai Arab at Seksyen 7.Sebelah kiri couple yang also having their dinner..happy tgk both faces..terdetik dalam hati ni kenapa i cant be happy like them.Teary eyes..hmmm..sorry theres times when i just cant hide my feelings..then at the side of the table sepasang husband and wife together with their children..i wish am like them..

Then my sis pop up a question ttg Umrah..i told her that am going with a husband..sebab i never had the chance when am with him...biarlah tpt itu jadi saksi ttg sucinya hubungan suami dan isteri ..

Next week will be my 5th month..yupe he asked me to stop counting ..how can i stop coz it does gave a deep hole in my life and my heart..i will keep on counting..i will never stop...

Masterchef

2012-01-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

Did you all watch it? hmmm..alhamdulillah Ezani dapat ke Finale together with Wahidan.Talking bout Ezani,known her for so many years tapi sebabkan dia dah pindah ke KL so terputus jugaklah hubungan tu.Tapi still keep in touch jugaklah ..macamana nak cite ek..so long one okeh..hahahah..

I kenal her sister Ezura and also their parents Aunty Bid and Uncle Monoto..Aunty Bid and Uncle Monoto used to be teacher di Sekolah Amar Diraja tpt my mum work.They are so close..till diaorg kena pindah and duduk di UK sebab Uncle Monoto dapat sambung belajar.

And did you all know that Aunty Bid is so damn good in cooking.Semua cookies dia mmg sedap and setiap kali raya mmg dia buat biscuits.And tiap kali raya if you all come over to their house meja jati yg kaki pendek empat segi besar tu pasti penuh dgn kuih and setiap balang mmg sedap which can die one woooooo..

So bila Ezu,Ezani and their parents pindah ke UK mmg lost contact kejap..sampai diaorg balik semula ke KL and coincident diaorg sewa di rumah my uncle kat Bandar Tasik Selatan..see..pusing pusing situ gak kan? hihi...till diaorg pindah kerumah sendiri somewhere there jugaklah...till one day i heard Aunty Bid kena breast cancer if am not mistaken..and till now she looks so healthy..alhamdulillah..once pernah terserempak aunty Bid dalam LRT n she looks sangat sangat kurus..and alhamdulillah she is soooooo fine today.

for info Ezani lebih baik with my sister than me lah since ai rapat dgn kakak dia Ezura..since sebaya kan..

Apapun cerita.... me and my family are sooooo proud to see and watch Ezani in Masterchef..we all doakan dia akan menang..I guess Aunty Bid lebih bangga lagi sebab anak dia dapat skill dia and peyambung legacy..hihi...

So guys watch final Masterchef and support Ezani k!

Akhir Cerita Cinta

2012-01-02T23:47:00.001+08:00

Subhanallah

2012-01-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

"Subhanallah..."

Silence

2012-01-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

I have much to write so many things i wanna write in here tapi terlalu banyak kekangan..next week it will be the 5th month but yet kenapa am not heal yet?Y must i cried each time i feel hurt..

I know that am hurting myself cause am not letting it out just yet..

I cried almost evey nite to sleep..

"Mungkin sudah suratan kita,terpisah sebegini rupa,mungkin satu hari nanti kujejak bahagia"

Al-fatihah

2012-01-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

This morning balik dari karaoke online jap and suprisingly bila baca latest news di utusan ttg kemalangan ngeri di Lekir..

Ngeri pulak bila baca ttg kejadian tu..happen bebetul depan my fren house..argh!!!! tempat area tu mmg taklah bahaya sebab jalan cantik cuma as semua tahu Malaysian ppl ni bila dah bagi benda cantik mula lah nak memecut..am not blaming the arwah lah..apapun jadikan iktibar k.

WAht makes me scared is that baru last month lalu jalan tu beli air mangga fresh terbaek dari ladang! n now this accident plak..dahlah accident tu bebetul depan gerai buah tu..haiyoooo..and paling best dalam paper tulis owner kedai buah tu terpaksa kutip cebisan daging manusia yang terpercik kat kedai tu..do you think am gonna go there and buy fresh mango juice lagi???oohhhh tidakkkkkk...

Apapun from the news..,diaorg cakap mmg ngeri sesangat..dengan kepala putus,perut terburai,ish..cant imagine lah..ada yg cakap kereta yg dipandu laju sesangat..ook kalau ni ai percaya lah sebab if the impact of the accident sampai macam tu skali obviously because of speed.

Jadi to all janganlah bawak lelaju kenderaan tu..think about loves one..yang ada partner sebelah tu please be aware of the speed..biarlah kalau kene bebel sebab speed macam snails..anggaplah kalau dia bebel tu is muzik yang berkumandang sebelah telinga..sebab if you lost someone you will be regret..and by that time regret pun dah useless..

Spending my New Year..

2012-01-02T04:02:00.000+08:00

Nope am not gonna celebrate New Year.Today the whole day at home kemaskan rumah yang berhabuk tuh..basuh baju , lipat baju, masak...yupe first ever weekend at home..yippie!!!!!!!

So petang tadi thot of spending it with that 2 munchkins..so ke Gombaklah..sekali end up pi karaoke with them and la ni baru jer jejak kaki sampai umah..spend RM58 wisely lah jugak sebab makanan yang kitaorg amik kalah orang beranak 10 k..hahahahhaha...

Adam n Nia sebelum tu masa kat Ukulele Malaya office they all tunjuk skill main ukulele..chit tunggu aunty goreng!!!!..hihihi...

Then lepas maghrib ke Curve melalak sampai pagi..munchkins lepas lagu diaorg diaorg lagi..then diaorg lagi dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi...ok Nia is soooooo radio bergerak sebab most of the songs she know..bravo kiddo!!..ok ai dah sangap mau tidooooooo

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T00:20:00.001+08:00

Tahun 2011 meninggalkan terlalu banyak kenangan pahit dalam hidup ni..yet kalau ditanyakan pada diri dan hati ni i will always gonna remember it coz it brings a big hole in my heart.I moved to house and we are about to have the sweetness in life we have to moved out..and the same year i have lost someone and the same year am walking alone again..

If i had the only wishes all i wish for is to erase tht year..

2012 coming...and i have already put a paused in it..will never looked back or forward ..i have put myself in a paused mode and i will remain it..let me be in that mode..

Am not celebrating 2012 or tahun yang seterusnya..i used to be like a small kid setiap kali ada bunga api..and i last saw it with him..and am not gonna ruined all the last moments..will remain as it is..

To all Happy New Year...

Sila tepuk tangan ramai ramai..

2011-12-31T12:54:00.000+08:00

Ok after bout 2 months..x sampai lagi lah 2 bulan dalam 1 1/2 month pakai Premium Beautiful dah adalah keberkesanan nyer..ngeh ngeh..this morning ntah apa sewel ntah try lah nak pakai jaket jeans warna cokelat yang ai beli dah dalam 6 years back kot skrang dah leh button tho ada ketat sikit lah..dulu koooo nak butang pun tak leh k..gap dekat 9cm tuuuuuu kalau nak button.

Tiap kali pakai sure tak leh button dah tak sampai nak button bendanya!!!..but now...jeng jeng jeng....dah leh button tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..yihaaa....shuffle!! shuffle!!!..hihi..ok ada anak anak dato ke tan sri ke or kalo bapak dia lagi senang yang nak ngurat saya tak? phewitttttt...

Kat opis bebudak cakap ai macam mak datin sebab maybe because of the way i dress up kot..ok takpe saya mmg tgh praktis nak jadik mak datin wannabe...hahahaha..

Like Crazy

2011-12-31T06:46:00.000+08:00

Yupe i want you , i need you, i love you,i miss you LIKE CRAZY...

Watching this movie last nite..its a bit slow..but its crazy good..the words the stroryline damn GOOD!!..or maybe am just too fragile thts y am crazy love it? hmmmm

Diatas satu cinta

2011-12-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

"Tuhan sedang menguji kita,tuhan menguji cinta kita,menguji sayang kita.."

" Dhia TERLALU cintakan Abang,Dhia tak sanggup kehilangan Abang..Dhia rela dimadukan"

Will be missing my 2 muchkins

2011-12-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

This weekend been spending my time with my 2 lil muchkins.Alahai confirm rinduuuu sangat sangat..yupe bad aunty i am sebab buatlah apapun confirm takkan marah.They can even sit on me sambil tgk tv and ai akan buat dek..hahahha..

Cuma last 2 nite kunun kunun nak jadik aunty yang paling garang ..sekali that lil gal nangis..hihihi..alahai tak sampai hati terus pujuk..dah pujuk confirmlah the whole nite sleeping atas tangan ai..

And for that lil boy jangan cakaplah..ciumlah banyak manapun hihi dia akan ok sajork..hahahha..so i take those times kissing his cheeks..good thing about this boy he knew that i have lost someone in life tapi dia macam tau jer..his such a smart boy!

There's a day when i asked him "boleh tak if aunty jadi mak angkat adam?" "Untuk apa aunty" "yelah kalau aunty rindu aunty terus peluk and sayang dia" and know what he said "NO way!" hihihihi... so cancel bab anak angkat becoz of him..alahai...

Masa kat Muar every nite before they went to sleep ai bancuhkan hot milo for them, and most of the days memang budak tu makan bersuap sebab request by them tho sorang dah nak darjah 2 and another dah nak masuk darjah satu..

So tonite i cant sent them back sebab kerja office yang bertimbun so hugs ketat ketat..argh!!! hate this feeling sebab will miss them a lot..

Cerai mmg mudah..tapi..

2011-12-28T03:27:00.000+08:00

First of all am writting this not because of me..mine simpan kemas kemas sudah..anyway..i just get to know one of my relatives having their bad time rite now..am writting not to put blames on any of them.

Sadly the wife ran away from the husband yang mmg tak pernah appreciate apa jua yang dilakukan by the wife.I heard about their story ni been years but kali ni mmg dah nekad and i guess thts y she ran away..

Apa yang tak pernah the wife did?..this man a person with 0..nothing.. but the wife is someone yang sentiasa ada dibelakang dia..support him.be with him dalam waktu susah and senang...tho kaki tangan suami pernah sampai kemuka..hmm..i salute her sebab lama sangat dia bertahan..

Ada jugak cerita lain dalam family when a husband boleh plak berkawan dengan perempuan lain..hmmm...

Kadang kadang pelik dengan lelaki ni..apa yang tak cukup yer?

Yupe cerai mudah ..tapi..life after that and the next phase yang each and everyone need to face is the hardest part...

Black maria...

2011-12-28T03:05:00.000+08:00

Ok sewel and ngong jap sebab i cant sleep and i blame the cafein tadi dok sodap gulp gulp and now end up kebil kebil bijik mata and buat keje giler..hahahah

Ok its been like yearssssssssssssssss sesangat lah tak chat kan so i bukak lah my imesh in which i install it sebab nak download lagu adalah super best! and mmg kat imesh ada untuk chat jugak..so since mata dah kebil kebil ai sesaja bukak ..ahaksss so funny lah banyak nyer mamat golap nih..i mean yang BLACK MARIA inilah..sapolah lah tergoda mmg bangap sungguh..ayat am sure giler tak leh blah..hahahahha..

Haip! jangan speku cakap ai chat with this kind of ppl k.My chatting time dah looooooooong gone k.Last was with him and i dont think am gonna go thru it again.NO WAY!!

Anyway..i have a friend in Singapore and i just get to know that adik dia is one dari senarai nama yang terperagkap dengan si Blackie ni lah..now been arrested in Australia..its a reminder to all yang badan ala ala macam ai ke,muka yang jerawat sebesar belon ke , or yang rasa diri down..please dont ever feel that way..this Blackie mmg aim to be friends ppl yang rasa down pun sebab its their modus operandi..*wah matik tetiba feeling polis* but its the fact..bersabar sikit jodoh akan ada..

So kalau rasa sangap sangat and mmg nak sangat chat ngan depa ni..silalah tipu identiti k..haiyoh!! bila cakap tang ni tetiba geli ketiak..hahaahhahaha...sebab apahal lah desperadooooo sangat nak kat depa nih..hihihi...but i did not say yang semua ni jahat but dalam cyber world please dont trust no one lah..semua TIPU k...adios

Memories

2011-12-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

Baru arrived from Muar..and pi PD sekejap untuk check outy next event for gathering..saja check on their proces..and well the place that we really wanna have our gathering adalah sangat MAHAL NAK MAMPUS!! haish..12k babe..baik pi enjoyce..haha

Anyway first nite di Muar spent at mum's new palace..but hati ni tak tahu kenapa nakkkk sangat balik ke Sungai Abong..yupe there..is a place yang banyak kenangan ai.On wall ada 2 gambar family with him..which is the last 2 raya am with him.Yupe mak tak balik one of the reason is because rumah tu masih ada bayang dia..but i miss that house cause i wanna feel him more closer to me..

Tak apalah..yeah..i know that life got to go on and i did without questions..there were so many times when i feel so lonely..am fixing it slowly..

And last nite i woke up at 5am cause i heard him calling my name..n i found none..a few days back Nia ada mention his name..me smile and tukar cerita lain..but not Adam..rasa macam he knew what happen and he never once mention his name in front of me..

Putar alam

2011-12-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

There will be times yang bila ada saja manusia yang cuba putar belitkan cerita and at the end they will eat up their own story.Takpelah mungkin dengan cara itu konon nya takkan menyakitkan perasaan orang lain but dont they ever think that in reality they have done more damage to that person?

Too many things happened and am gracefully grown matured..so when i meet this kind of person what do you all think am gonna do? oh yes..i used to be a person who cried ,who scream who act out of norm..but now am not letting it out just like i used to..am keeping it to myself coz if that person love to hurt or damage ones feeling am prefer being someone that been hurt rather than to hurt a person.

Cause deep down i hope this kind of person knows whats the best answer when they've been trap with their story..tak selamanya hidup ini akan selamat..yupe mungkin selamat disini..tapi disana how? what if that person tahu akan cerita sebenar and wont forgive? selamat ke disana? hmmm...tepuk dada jawab sendiri...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2011-12-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

4 years ago at this moment..ai was busy wearing my inai..memula ayah yang pakaikan inai tu but hmmm..i guess ayah tak creative enuff to lukis atas tapak tangan ni..then tht nite terpaksa call 911 untuk repair damage inai done by ayah..but he is soooo cute sebab sanggup bersengkang mata temankan his 1st gal so late at nite n making sure that inai tu tak bersepah kalau ai tido..

And that nite jugak i and my sister was rushing here and there sebab amik him from bus stand..yupe he travel by bus since masa tu in Terengganu is musim banjir..and also making sure that his side selesa dengan rumah yang disediakan.

Its all last minute touch since esok pagi lafaz sebagai isteri akan disempurnakan dan disaksikan by my family members.

Malam ni berdebar,penat takut semua bersatu jadi satu..macam macam soalan timbul..apatah lagi dengan macam macam isu yang timbul saat saat akhir sebelum diijabkabulkan.Dan tentuan semua ditentukan olehNya..

Pagi tu wake up early in the morning..mandi and dalam pukul 9pg diri dah disolek..everybody was so busy preparing this and that.Adik menjadi Abg and adik and also planner for my wedding..tho ada benda yang kureng but she manage to do it with flying colours!..and for pak andam,they were busy making me as the most beautiful gal that day..and last touch up for the hantaran.

Tepat pukul 11am..rombongan datang..dan alhamdulillah saya selamat dinikahkan pada 20.12.2007.Syukur dan gembira hati ni tuhan sahaja yang tahu ..semua berjalan dengan mudah dan teratur.

Hampir 7 tahun kita kenal, dan selama hampir 4 tahun kita layari hidup sebagai suami dan isteri..and yes we both admit ttg ketentuan dia ttg kadak dan kadar..and only both of us know the exactly feeling we've been thru.

Ada kalanya diri ini masih belum boleh menerima apa yang terjadi..tapi..perjalanan kehidupan ini masih diteruskan..

Sayang..for that 4 years in our marriage ai mohon maaf segala apa jua kesalahan ai pada you.I know am not a good wife,i know ai bukan isteri yang sempurna..tapi selama 4 tahun ini ai appreciate the things and am blessed having you as my husband..walaupun jodoh kita tak seperti yang kita pernah impikan..

Terima kasih kerana sudi jadikan ai isteri you..ai doakan you will get someone better than me..i hope she can replace me..and she can cook meals that you love,she can be the one sharing your story,she can always be next to you..and someone that.."treat you as husband and respect you" not like me..

Tonite i spent my time looking thru our wedding pics..let the memories remain in me..am sacrifice and am letting my life living in our memories..

Yang did you know why i love seeing you cutting your hari,kemas kemas? yupe the first day and nite we went out selepas balik dari Putrajaya was the first time i fall in love with you which rite after you had your hair cut..masa tu i feel lucky to have you..and masa tu if anyone nak gegoda you mmg ai smack down..hehe..thts y up till now whenever you had your hair cut setiap kali tulah ai akan pegang pipi you,rambut you..coz u always makes me fall in you after you had your haircut..insyallah selepas ini akan ada someone yang feel the same as i feel..

Yang,theres so many nites i miss hugging you..and you know how i cant be away from you not a single day..but things have changed now..and yet till now whenever i had my difficulties sleeping,i'll comfort myself hugging the pillow as if am hugging you..and i hug it tightly..

Yang..remember the nite when you and me had our last date as husband and wife..and masa tu i know deep down you have made your decision..and dalam kereta you were hugging me while listening to Anuar Zain..

Yang,remember the nite bila ai suapkan you telur mata with kicap..which is your fav food..and that nite before my flight ai sanggup cari nasi and ikan goreng with telur masin and kicap..coz am not sure bila ai dapat jumpa you..ai suap kan you..

Yang,ingat tak dulu each time you dapat gaji..ai will be waiting depan pintu rumah coz i know u akan belikan Secret Recipe..walaupun ai tahu you mmg akan belikan..but yet ai akan bebuat terkejut..

Yang,on our last anniversary..you suprised me with bouquet for red roses and we had dinner.seronoknya hati ni tak terhingga...i will cherished those moments..

Yang,kita pernah susah and kita pernah senang dan kembali susah..cuma kali ni kita berbeza..kita takkan jadi kita but we are now YOU and ME..we were on our separate ways..and you know how hurtful it was to both of us.

Yang, sekiranya terbuka pintu jodoh for you..ai redha cuma ..tolong jangan bagitau ai..coz i cant bare the hurts no more..and as for me you dont have to worry coz sesungguhnya pintu hati ni dah tertutup buat sesiapapun..

Perpisahan is the gift for our 4th Anniversary..ai tak marah jauh sekali berkecil hati..cuma ai tak menolak kalau dalam hati ni ada rasa kecewa yang amat amat..

To you..Happy Anniversary..i will always love you..thanks again for being apart of my life..coz that part arent gonna be replace by others..

YPKR family gathering

2011-12-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

The welcome banner...

Ok ada 3 gadis ayu yang sewel..siap tetunjuk ntah memana ntah..ehemmm and salah sorang adalah JUARA KARAOKE..diulangi...JUARA KARAOKE...ko ado???haha

Meja ini khas for 60kg keatas yer..sebab utama is because of Kak Tini's crazy sedap nachos+salsa+potato salad..and signiture dish from KLCC convention..yummy!!! so semua yang ada kat situ mmg tak gerak bon bon k..sanggup mintak sesapa saja yg lalu depan mata amik kan BBQ bagai..hahahah...

Camwhoring..budak2 senget..ada masa bercamwhoring sebab we r one of family members yang sampai awal..

Still ada masa lagi..so menggembirakan diri...

Good part sebab ada kolam untuk memancing..and that nite semua hasil tangkapan menjadi lauk BBQ..

Pertandingan pakai selendang ala ala Hana TAjima..ai tak masuk coz kang kena tukar jadik Hana Tajimok..ahakss..but ai wear it on my sis and get 3rd k..haha

Cupcake decorating...very creative bebudak zaman sekarang kan? they can decorate and they even brave enuff to play with colours

Games for kids under 12 and am the urusetua..nampak kaki gajah tu? ok..mak penat dok kejar bola tau!

Hope to see semua again next year with different venue ..opps..yes that 3 gals masih sewel tak habis2!

Tilik nasib..

2011-12-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah selamat sampai ke rumah after busy weekend with family.I wont story much about the gathering cuma masa gathering tu one of my aunty did manage untuk tgk tapak tangan ai and banyak benda yang dia kata..well mmg tak amik hati sekulumit pun sebab i dont trust at all dalam tilik..and i know she too tak percaya..cuma kalaulah aam someone yang believe in it..hmmmm...

Memula dia cakap no wonder my marriage life tak panjang..sebab garisan kawin ai pendek sangat..dan ai akan terpesong jauh and akan berkahwin lain..dalam hati ni gelak sahaja sebab the truth semua tak ada yang tahu..the truth feeling tak siapa yang tau.Kahwin? its a no way for me.Rite till now am not in a stable mode lagi..apatah lagi after meeting him few days back.Ttg tu biar jadi rahsia lah ttg apa,kenapa,bila semua tu biar i keep to me..

Masa gathering tu i did manage to enjoy myself by singing tapi bila ada lagu yang am singing adalah lagu yang both of us have memories..ai tahankan airmata tu..yupe i miss him badly..

Tadi sebelum balik rumah singgah di Alamanda..its so hurtful seeing someone lalu dpn ai holding hands, hugging each other..kalaulah benda itu tak jadi mungkin i will be like them..

Akhirnya ...

2011-12-14T10:59:00.000+08:00

Sajer nak meroyan jap eh..dah bertaun keje ari ni barulah den dapek ID den..weng sungguh!!! haha..anyway.takpe ..takpe..ada improvement lah kira kiranya! hahaha..

Kalo idak dok kat takuk tu jerlah..alahai..dah plan baek mau blah hikss..

13.12.11

2011-12-13T16:53:00.000+08:00

Cantik tak tarikh ari ni? apalah korang ni kawen lah tarikh macam ni..confirm takkan dapat nombor ni lagi..ngeh ngeh...

Anyway sajer sesuka nak bgtau yang today rasa macam best jek..

Malam nak dok buat konsert dalam bilik and main gitar..hehe..takpe tak reti pun takpe asal dapat jamming! jamming lah sangat kan!!haha

Hati bunga bunga

2011-12-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

Bila kerja ikhlas semua benda jadi ikhlas betul tak? Yupe the other day ada kes happen here but nak cakap wrong termination idoklah jugak mungkin ada miscommunication here..

Tapi when the owner is a lawyer harus gigil kapla lutut gua k..its not that serius lah but since all documents from court diaorg sent thru his email yang dah diterminate which not me k..so alhamdulillah i manage to get back his email acc cuma most of his files tak dapat balik lah..

So today he came to me and dengan rendah diri he thanked me ..suka k..ko gilo tak suka..he is not someone yang you can play play tau.So yupe am proud of myself!! sila sepak saya kalau saya mmg bangga diri but for sure mmg den banggo pun..hahaha

Lara lagi

2011-12-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

"Cinta aku adalah untuk mu..tak pernah goyah tak pernah jemu..takkan terpadam dalm hatiku yang milikmu..percayalah"

Memories remain

2011-12-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

Arrived Sitiawan around 2.30pm..dalam hati dup dap dup dap tuhan yang lebih tahu..Ptg around pukul 5pm ke rumah had take a look at the house condition..Bila bukak pintu rumah..hmmm..how i miss the house so much! Alhamdulillah takde satu barang pun yang terusik..Cuma what make me bit sad was ada bocor sikit kat dining hall..insyallah yang lain masih ok..

Then went to the back room..bila nampak album kahwin terletak cantik kat atas meja..i tried to hold back the tears.Yupe even till now am holding it back.Nampak lagi towel yang dia selalu pakai..towel coklat..and the best part towel tu ada atas lantai..thts what he always did..suka campak barang sana sini..hihi..sweet!! how those memories pop up one by one..Then came to the guitar..yupe i did not have the guts even to hold it.Sebab ai rindu sangat sangat to watched him trying his level best playing it in front of me.He tried but failed lah of coz dah mmg dah lama sangat x main kan of coz failed..hmm..so i leave it there dulu.Esok baru amik sikit2 mana yang boleh..

And tonite while watching Ombak Rindu..sejuk dalam tu bukan main and normally he the one holding my hand and making me warm.Yupe i did cried sikit masa tgk movie tu not becoz of the movie but becoz of him not here with me.

And on the way balik ai terpandangkan tpt beli kereta..the first nite dia bawak ai pergi tgk kereta tu betapa excitednya ai..yupe airmata bergenang..gosh!! banyaknya!!one by one keluar..3 years here bukan short term..plus those years with him..all and all dalam 7 years..hmm..

Ombak rindu

2011-12-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

* I know HE listen to my prayer*

Nothing in my mind

2011-12-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

alhamdulillah internet dah boleh on dirumah..thts the good part of working with TM amat pantas tapi tak pantas tang ehem!! anyway as i wrote earlier today genap sudah 4 bulan..theres moments yang i cant describe macamana..

Esok i will be back to Lumut untuk settlekan hal rumah..oh dear tak tahu berapa ratus akan habis in which muka ni dah naik malu and tebal untuk mintak..theres times bila dalam hati ni berdoa agar pintu rezeki sentiasa dibuka so that i could pay the house installment..ada juga pernah terdetik untuk jual sahaja rumah tu.But honestly itu sahaja kenangan yang i could be in with..teringat masa saat mencari rumah,saat mula mula kaki masuk kedalam rumah tu,a time when bot of us keluar segala kudrat spent our weekends untuk bersihkan rumah tu.

Dalam rumah tu tak ada sedikit pun kenangan pahit..yupe none..cause we were so happy in that house.Thts the main reason am not gonna sell the house.And insyallah ada rezeki mmg niat dihati untuk kembali ke rumah tu semula.I wanna be there.Biar org kata am insane being in that house and live in memories..cause they r not in my shoes..and i know am not insane..

Tapi..honestly mmg am not that strong to be back there tomorrow..i had my breakdown almost every night..takpelah insyallah i will be ok..tau tak kenapa i tak kuat? coz dalam bilik belakang ada satu album penuh gambar kahwin, ada gitar hadiah on his 30th birthday..coz 2 benda ni akan buat hati ni sangat sangat sedih..doakan yang baik baik yer..i hope am stronger!

Its 4 months now..

2011-12-10T08:42:00.001+08:00

Cliche sangat sangat..4 months now that am separated from him and another 9 days to our shud be 4th Anniversary...what a month!!

This whole week am having my breakdown..bukan nak bercerita dalam ni but this is the only medium yang ai ada to express things and my feelings.

Lately ni theres so many flasback am having..terlalu banyak..ntahlah mungkin laki lebih mudah..

Blank...

2011-12-09T14:57:00.000+08:00

Semalam i had my breakdown..very badly..hmmm..yupe now i became a women with heart but without feelings.Cakaplah apapun..masuk kiri keluar kanan...am living in my own world..

Ada yang cakap ai tak fikir ttg org lain..but in the fact selama ni am ai doing things by my own? so let it be me and my own world...kosong dah dalam diri ni..

4 weeks after wearing Premium Beautiful

2011-12-06T13:30:00.000+08:00

Amacam ada perubahan tak? ok admit admit tummy belum fully kempis..will be one fineee day..hihihi..so ada keinginan mau slim and slender..cheeeecheee...email me at sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com

Balik lambat lagi

2011-12-05T20:09:00.000+08:00

Yupe its nearly 8pm and am still in d office buat kerojer..dammmm!!! penat okeh...ni ketiak sebatu dah bau dengan peluh bagai..sib ada perfume..ngeh ngeh..

I just hope lah one day insyallah ada kerja lebih baik and stable dari sekarang..memang sekarang macam kepunden but masih bersyukur sebab ada rezeki lagi..

Since pindah sini kerja memang banyak.Sorrylah kalo den tak jaga depan ke apa ke or to even nak borak pun tak sempat.There's sooooo many things to do.Nak cakap aku suka peram idoklah jugak but memang tak pernah cukup masa nak buat.The save for daily jer dalam 3minima..in which kalau i ask someone to do the processing amik masih 2 hari..then bila i get it back kekadang campur yang pending bagai jadi melambak..so mmg lah idok cukup masa..i dah berapa lama tak lunch k..kalau keluar bekpes tu dah plus with lunch lah jawabnya..sebab memanjang tak pernah ada masa..haish!!!

See my OT last month pun tak menyempat nak membuat k..simpan sampai gaji January lah jawabnya..hihi..sebab ada banyak sikit menyimpan dalam diam..hahahahha...

Ntah i rasalah sesuatu tpt kerja if there is no progress within 2 years its starting to make me bored tau..tho am loving doing it tapi 2 years tu kalau statik even if ko kerja bagai nak mamsss then better chaloooo..apapun i hope for the better rezeki insyallah...aminnn....

Cantik date hari ni..

2011-12-04T12:54:00.000+08:00

Genap 3 bulan 3 minggu and 3 hari..and its 15days to our anniversary..last year we did not manage to celebrate sakan..but that year was the first ever time i received bunga dari dia..Had dinner makan ketam..hmm..a memory that hard for me to delete...

Bila dengar lagu dari Anuar Zain my tears keep rolling down..hmmm...months i've been crying inside..i hope and i pray Allah tunjukkan jalan yang sepatutnya..

This coming 20th i will be away for a day..no phone calls semua..i just need my own time and space..

Cinta Harus Memiliki..

2011-12-04T09:50:00.000+08:00

* this is for you to listen..its 15days more..its should be our 4th Anniversary*

Alhamdulillah

2011-12-01T15:28:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah..after last laser surgery..ayah cancer dah hilang..today ada check up and doc dah confirmkan..yet need to be xtra jejagalah sebab cancer come and go..

Ombak Rindu

2011-12-01T09:57:00.000+08:00

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia

Untuk terima ku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

Tuhan aku tahu banyak dosa ku
Hanya ingat Kamu kala duka ku
Namun hanya Kamu yang mampu membuka
Pintu hatinya untuk cintaku

Malam kau bawalah rinduku
Untuk dirinya yang jauh dari ku
Agar dia tidak kesepian
Selalu rasa ada cinta agung

Hujan bawa air mata ku
Yang mengalir membasuh luka ku
Agar dia tahu ku terseksa
Tanpa cinta dia di hatiku

Hanya mampu berserah
Moga cahaya tiba nanti

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia
Untuk terima ku seadanya
Kerna ku tak sanggup
Kerna ku tak mampu
Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

* I know He listen to my prayer*

Hanya Untukmu

2011-11-30T11:55:00.000+08:00

Seandainya tak pernah jumpa

Takkan pernahku mengerti hati yang dirundung sepi

Indah...selalu hiasi warna hidup saat kau ada dalam hatiku
Rindu...membawa damai dalam hati saat ku ingat rasa hatimu

Walau tak sanggup ku menjauh
Mungkin kini saatnya terpisah
Meski dewasaku telah berpijar dalam ragaku yang terus bersemi
Coba merasakan tumbuhnya kenangan indah tentang arti hadirnya dirimu
Ketika telah terukir indah namamu dalam hati dan jiwaku
Rasa inilah yang terbaik dalam asaku
Pahami rasa dalam benakku...ku terpisah hanya untukmu
Meski dewasaku telah membawa hatimu menghilang pergi

Percayalah...ku terpisah hanya untukmu
Hanya untukmu

Singapore trip

2011-11-30T09:25:00.000+08:00

Last week before that lady killed my mood i did had blast holoday in Singapore..yippee!!! and insyallah soon a biz partner there.Semoga rezeki dimurahkan..aminnnn...

Tak pergi mana pun kat sana cuma sprent few hours at Zahlia's house..thanks babe!! cuma aku tunggu ko punya nasi arab lah one day..hahaha.Then after lunch terus ke Orchard Road for shopping spree.Tapi tak shopping mana sangat pun since currency converter yang aikkkk..apahak aku bagi seratus dapat beberapa puluh jek?? hahahha..so need to be calculate lah..hihi..cuma the perfumes there OMGGGGG sesangat sebab damn cheap giler..ngeh ngeh ngeh..so insyallah akan ada biz on that soon sebab dah pasang kaki..

Insyallah soon akan ke Singapore lagi untuk amik stok perfume and pi tgk end year sale there..yippeee..kali ni sale tak banyak kecuali di Zara sahaja..Channel sale tapi aku kena jual bulu idung bagai baru dapat beli..hahahah ( i wish my bulu idung made of gold..hahahha) azam tahun baru ni..nak jugak beratur depan pintu masuk Channel boutique untuk beli tak kisahlah apapun beg dia..hahaha..next would be Gucci..hihi..idaman ever since one of my customer pakai dulu..ngeh ngeh...

Kat Singapore macam KL gak nothing much cuma tak yah gatai nak makan sana sebab mahal..sib lepak umah member so isi perut dulu..then sampai JB baru lantak pepuas..hahaha..anyway gambar takde sebab semua dalam IPhone my sis..nanti ai suruh dia upload for me..

Marah?

2011-11-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

Marah? nope lebih pada berkecil hati yang amat sangat..am healing? nope its deeper instead..i know life got to go on yupe and am doing just that..but to erase and to forget or even to heal it ...i guess tak mungkin..

And last night theres someone called my mum dengan alasan nak beli kuih konon but the fact was they were asking as to why i've been divorced!!! bangang!!! takde sivik ke or korang memang tak belajar the fact is that my mum had suffered enuff!!! let put yourself as my parents and i called you and asking you such question..what would you feel??? dont your parents ever taught you untuk jaga perasaan orang lain? argh!!!

Please jangan cakap read from my FB status lah babe..bongok sangat lah if i wanna add you..i will never ever add someone yang so kepohchi..and a reminder to all yang kepochi yang ada dalam my FB list friends coz if i ever caught you been so kepohchi i will delete and block you..for info my FB is not for all to see lah babe..only my friend list..so to you yang kepochi i will delete your name without hesitation langsung!!!..and you have killed my mood tau!!!

Yupe geram and macam nak makan orang sekarang!!!..

Broken

2011-11-25T12:29:00.000+08:00

So many words unspoken,

promises that were broken.
A heart shredded on the floor,
but you, I still adore.

A pillow soaked full of tears,
you promised you'd always be here.
I sit here crying in my bed alone,
hoping that you will come home.

Scattered pictures on my bed,
remembering the last words you said.
Although I'm torn in two,
I'll always love you.

Holding these tears in my hand,
I want you to know, I'm still your girl.
You still hold that special key,
always and forever, you and me.

Quotes of the day

2011-11-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

"Your time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

- Steve Jobs

Penat wei

2011-11-24T08:48:00.000+08:00

Ok rite now am super duper exhausted k..last week ke Kedah bagai then settle bab passport semua and semalam ada kat office up till 9pm pastu hang with friends till 11pm..and tomorrow balik Muar plak then on Sunday will be in Singapore..adohaiiiii..badan oooo badan..baru ai tahu k my badan mmg tak tahan lasak wooooo..yelah dulu nak gi memana main landing atas laki terus dapat...hahahaha..now kena kerja keras lah dah hidup sendiri kan...

So malam ni need to berazam bersungguh sungguh untuk mengemas bilik yang sikit lagi boleh jadi sarang buaya..hahahhaha...and also need to do the dobi..aiyooooo....kadavalleyyyy..

Anyway sesiapa yang ada di Singapore and need to know more about Premium Beautiful can email me at sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com...

How to wear your Premium Beautiful

2011-11-23T10:40:00.000+08:00

Dear all new users of Premium Beautiful..

You alls dah beli tapi ada yang idoklah reti reti nak pakai Premium Beautiful ni kan..

So now ai nak tunjukkan cecara pakai k..

Takde maknanya korang nak tgk gue yang pakai..gue bagi gambor sajork k...hahahhaha..

A) Memula korang kena pakai Long Girdle dulu k..

1. Lipat dihujung seluar dan yang berender dan pinggang seluar dalam 2 lipatan.

2. Sarungkan dengan perlahan.

3. Bukakan kembali lipatan dan ambil lemak2 dibahagian peha masukkan ke dalam cup pinggul.

4. Kemaskan bahagian atas dan pastikan Diamond berada ditengah2

B) Then would be the Long Bra

1. Sarungkan bra seperti biasa dari depan

2. Pinkan di bahagian belakang dengan larasan yang selesa.

3. Tundukkan sedikit badan dan tarik lemak2 yang berada di bawah ketiak masuk ke dalam cup.

4. Laraskan tali bra.

5. Tarik dibahagian bawah supaya lebih selesa.

C) Last sekali is the Waist Nipper

1. Ambil waist nipper anda dan pinkan dari bawah ke atas

2. Betolkan kedudukan dan pastikan Diamond berada ditengah dan selari dengan Diamond di bra

3. Tarikkan tali dibelakang untuk merampingkan lagi pinggang anda.

5. Tali itu boleh diikatkan dan sangkut pada penyangkot yng disediakan di hujung tali berlawanan.

So amacam? Mudah kan? so apa tunggu lagi....moh pakat ramai ramai pakai Premium Beautiful..70% for your health and the rest is for beauty...email me to know more sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com

Hurt

2011-11-23T08:25:00.000+08:00

There is nothing in life that does not hurt

Hurting helps us mature
Hurting helps us progress
Even though hurting is so painful
Hurt is necessary
Getting hurt works out for the best
Nothing in life does not hurt
Hurt teaches us
And even love hurts
Being hurt or getting hurt
Helps us mature
Helps us learn
Helps us in the long run
Because we learn through the pain

*i hope the hurt am going thru wont last long..*

Life as me..

2011-11-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

Here ..tiada yang tahu about my status..when they ask about him..i tried to look happy with the answer in which its only a heartbreaking for me..start semalam last 3 years i dah mula do my countdown..yupe tinggal sebulan tepat to my shud be 4th anniversary...my 1st annivesary am celebrating it alone..

And today again theres dew ppl keep on asking me about my so called husband..hmmm...menipu lagi selagi diri ni mampu..

Semalam i did cried once again..coz deeply i still miss him so dearly

Ladies Clarks on sale babes

2011-11-19T14:03:00.000+08:00

Ok ai tak pi pun ..hehehe..but my sister jadi shopping messenger hahaha..so grab it babes..sok last..

And this is mineeeeeee..huaahuaa huaa...

*hadiah sebab kena melanguk awal giler kat opis*

Change life and be stylish

2011-11-18T17:27:00.000+08:00

Ok sape yang tak moh change from size XXXXXXXL to M lah at least?? sape mau?? semua mau kan? Yupe Premium Beautiful is the answer lah babe.

Dulu i dont believe in that till my lil sista told me bout it.Imagine from size ntah berapa XXX ntah n now most of baju kerja yang perap sebab malu bila pakai banyak flat tyres sekarang boleh muat and a bit londeh londeh k..mokcik suka!!!!!!!!!

Yes Premium Beautiful is not only for cantik kalau cantik tu kira bonus k..but Premium Beautiful is also for kesihatan..healthy body will create healthy mind babe..

PM me at sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com to know more....

Yes ada yang cakap gatal lah pakai..senak lah apalah..hei gurls..beauty is pain rite? but theres reason kenapa gatal gatal tu..bila badan banyak toksin of coz dia akan keluarkan segala toksin tu..so you all kenalah minum air yang banyak...so that toksin tu keluar melalui urine babe..

Pada bakal pengantin yang nak nampak meletops on her wedding day dengan memakai Premium Beautiful..pm me tau..jangan jadi macam ai..mcm bulldozer atas pelamin ...serius man!!! no play play one!!!..if only my sista introduce me the PB ealier confirm i will look geogeous babeh..hahahha,...statement rasa nak lempang diri sendiri..hahahha

Brovo tiger!!!

2011-11-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

To Malaysian TEam..brovo to you guys..yupe my heart stop sekejap tiap kali you all goyah..OMG okeh not good not good..watching you all dalam keadaan demam okeh n you all shud thank me tau...hahahhaha

Errr..Apek..lu agak agak bila lu mau clash dengan Dahlia Teck? wa mau masuk jarum sama lu woooooo.....hahahahha..er...ko tunggu Apek wa dah boleh masuk PB size paling kocik siap ko aku ngurat..:)

Sempurnakan Aku

2011-11-18T12:22:00.000+08:00

Sempurnakan Aku

Ku di sini seorang diri
Berharap waktu berulang lagi
Saat ada dirimu bersamaku

Aku di sini yang menyesali
Menangisi kepergianmu kasih
Semua begitu salah tanpa dirimu disisiku

Tahukah dirimu
Kau bawa setengah hatiku hilang
Bersama hampa di hidupku
Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu sempurnakan aku
Menangisi kepergianmu kasih
Semua begitu salah tanpa dirimu

Tahukah dirimu
Kau bawa setengah hatiku hilang
Bersama hampa di hidupku
Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu sempurnakan aku
Kembalilah kepadaku
Aku mohon kepadamu

Tahukah dirimu
Kau bawa setengah hatiku hilang
Bersama hampa di hidupku
Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu sempurnakan aku
Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu sempurnakan aku
Aku di sini seorang diri

Not feeling well but life goes on

2011-11-17T17:35:00.000+08:00

Ok dah 2-3 days demam ni..but macam biasa life need to go on babes..semalam supposed ke HQ attend class but sebabkan pala and badan tak sihat stay at my bro house ajerlah..so melayan that 2 cikonet..

Bila bab demam ni normally badan akan rasa amat tak sedap lah apalah and rasa restless amatlah macam hampeh k..but eversince pakai PB ni nak cakap demam teruk tu taklah but demam still ado..yelah ari ari meredah hujan kan..so thanks PB balancekan balik immune system dalam badan.

Talking bout PB since ai takde anak ni dengar dari pengalaman few ppl around me..kalau adalah anak anak yang demam atau tak berapa nak sihat..wrap the waist nipper around baby..insyallah demam akan kebah..this is because of the FRI yang ada dalam PB itself..so far dulu before pakai PB almost every month i will get fever..tak caya bukak my FB..ngeh ngeh..but now demam not that worst like before..

A fren of mine having this angin all over badan dia ..so eversince dia pakai PB angin mmg keluar secara semulajadi..erkkk*** better ask her lah up one or the down one..hahhahah..

Babes its a waste of me not sharing my own experienced wearing this PB with you all..as apa yang ai rasa after wearing it ai akan share with you all k..PB is not for beauty semata but for kesihatan jugak...70% of it because of kesihatan k...pm me babes..sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com

3 weeks after waring Premium Beautiful

2011-11-16T13:08:00.000+08:00

K sekarang nak cite pasal apa yang ai buat selama ni kat sini..ngeh ngeh..diam diam berisi k..First day pakai Premium Beautiful ni memang seksa k..mau semput kembang kempussss k nafas..but manage to be in that tight korset walaupunnnnn....*sila sambung sendiri ayat*...

Then diam tak diam dah dekat 3 minggu am wearing it..and alhamdulillah..dari cangkuk satu this morning ai dah boleh fit in to cangkuk num 2..wowwwww!!!! amazing babe..

tapi nak amik gambar yang pagi tadi agak seksi melampau kan..so tunggu lah tak esok tulat ai upload gambar terkini k..

Its amazing actually to be in sizes smaller than before.Satu perasaan yang you all cant describe..coz be in the big buggy body like mine than u will know.

Satu lagi benda yang i can see the different when am wearing this is that ai allergic ngan getah k..mana tang yang ada getah n wearing it like hours surely akan gatal and merah merah then change to bau yang alahai...so ever since am wearing this dah tak ada allergic and no more bad adour lah..whewiiiitt!!!...

So here is the pic yang ai pakai masa 1st day ..baru masuk dalam itu korset pinggang automatik turun 15cm babe!!! amazing tak? sorry yer..but the up up go up up and the way arr..yupe when u wearing this dia akan firm kan balik mana yang gelebeh..

ok i will upload insyalah latest pic then i will do it every month lah..

So to you all yang nak tau lebey lanjut the product you all can email me at sabrina_abubakar@yahoo.com

Bengang

2011-11-15T13:45:00.000+08:00

Ntah today rasa macam bengang sangat sangat especially once when i've received Terengganu latest report for October.A feeling yang macam tak reti nak describe macamana..

Since July i've been spanking my ass to max to make sure Terengganu percentage tak turun or kalau turun pun at least tak banyak mana.Yelah especially when that minah cuti suka suki kan..so am bit upset lah..yelah dengan macam macam tuduhan bu her to me.With all kind of emails she stupidly sent it to me.So once when am out of Terengganu and nampak that Terengganu had achieved target rasa macam hmmm..confirmlah she will get all the fame...ntah rasa jeles mmg ada..

One more thing yang buat ai agak mandom today when i get to know that save rate for Shah Alam memang ke laut..argh!! means a double headache for me..Imagine before ke Terengganu i did manage to up percentage for Setiawan then pindah ke Terengganu manage to maintain the save rate and now bila kesini save rate pun ai nak kena up kan..memang payah..and penat.

There's 2 person yang supposed to be incharge dengan save tapi goyang kaki and bontot sebab save rate ai yang jaga..so when am out am surely confirm this 2 person akan suka lah kan kunun diaorg yang buat semua ni..argh!!!!!!! stress k bila pk depa yang dok goyang goyang nih..ntah rasa nak tikam diri sendiri bole??? geram punya pasal nih....

Kenapa...

2011-11-09T13:35:00.001+08:00

Its a feeling that i cant describe..tadi rasa nak nangis but tahan kan...kenapa ek orang benci dia? i know he did something yang menyakitkanb..but do ppl ever ask my feeling?i know i did cried because of him..i cried coz i love him too deeply..i dont even mind to hurt myself..

Ntahlah..i know things happen for a reason..but y cant ppl doakan yang ai baik semula dengan dia..semua yang ai tulis sebelum ni is because am trying to hate him him honestly i cant..

2 hari disini seksanya tuhan jer yang tahu.I dont wanna be here at all...but i have to do it since i cant be there either..hmmm

takpelah i ubatkan hati ni sajalah...

Am here now in Shah Alam

2011-11-07T18:32:00.000+08:00

Last week ai dah sampai Shah Alam and done my unpacking things semua..rasa kosong sangat..ntah..maybe sebab masih kat tpt baru kot..yupe the day he sent me to the airport semua..hmm..ok theres certain things i will keep it as my personal memory lah..apapun am missing him more and more now.Rasa tak cukup jer dalam diri ni..bila tetiba mcm nak mam something takde kawan nak ajak pi, bila tetiba nak ajak jalan dah takde kawan nak ajak skali...nak layan boring ai pun tarak org lagi..hmmm..

Now am in Muar celebrate raya kat sini..bila ada yang dtg rumah ai dok lari lari sebab i just dont want ppl to ask about him..rasa x nak dengar dah..hmm

Last 4 years back i was so bz preparing for my wedding..kesana sini dengan hantarannya,dengan pelamin..banyak lagilah..that was before n now bz gak..bz melarikan diri dari disoal ttg dia..hmm..ntahlah..nak ikutkan now no mood sangat sangat..bosan!

Esok start keje dah..ntah apa yg akan i jumpa bila kat sana nnt..rasa macam nak quit keje pun ada..mmg now takde mood sangat sangat..kita tunggu dan lihat jerlah whats gonna happen at my new office

Today is the day

2011-11-02T12:56:00.000+08:00

Tenang? belum lagi...a part of me still with him..hmmmm...hugging him the whole day is what i wanna do now..rasa tak nak lepas..coz i know bila lepas i dont know bila i can hug him again...

The best day in life now is spending my time with you kat Pantai Kemasik..

Tho am away to a place where u n ai never been tapi kenangan lalu tetap segar..sangat sangat segar..if only i have more time....if only....

Tears

2011-10-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

hmmmm..."Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurt instead"...give me more time to heal the scars...the scars too deep..and am in pain..

Ada 3 hari ..

2011-10-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

i shud be away dari last week lagi meaning that this week i should be in KL dah..but since ada course that i need to attend so terpaksalah stay a few more days here..in other word should i be happy or not..hmmm..ntah..

When am here rasa tertekan coz i know am near yet am tooooo far..but if am there i know it will hurt me even more.Ntahlah...

I still not completely heal yet..terlalu banyak ..amat banyak..its not a day relation..

This morning i woke up when i heard someone call my name...bila saya bangun and i found out that am alone..and am crying to sleep..

I havent got my comforter to dry clean cause ada bau dia next to me...hanya itu yang ai ada untuk temankan ai tidur..

Yeah ppl looking at me as if am strong enuff but am not..theres days i feel so lonely..theres days i need to pour my feelings..theres days i need someone to talk with..

Am sorry if i have to act..its too difficult...dalam diri ni i have close my heart..dah tutup buat selamanya..kerana dalam hati ni ada satu nama yang masih belum ai padam...kerana itu janji yang pernah dibuat...

Kehilangan

2011-10-30T19:40:00.000+08:00

Time flies so fast..today is the last day of my edah..how i wish if i have someone who i can share my feeling now...curently jiwa ni kosong..kosong sangat sangat..

Not in the mood

2011-10-29T22:00:00.001+08:00

Yupe am not in the mood of writting....

i will upload songs sahaja...whatever songs here represent my mood,my feelings currently...

Enjoy!

Hingga Akhir Waktu

2011-10-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

Tak kan pernah ada yang lain di sisi

Segenap jiwa hanya untukmu
Dan tak kan mungkin ada yang lain di sisi

Say Goodbye

2011-10-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm..

Car

2011-10-28T21:19:00.000+08:00

Yupe baru balik after 24 hrs jouney from KT to shah alam then back again to KT..that story later yer ai cerita..

I know you must have read this...

Last nite you were looking at the car and said "Gagah kereta ni"

Yupe kuat kereta tu..ai mintak maaf banyak banyak cause i cant make my tears drop bila bercerita ttg tu..ai mintak maaf sesangat..so let me explain it here so you wont see my crying..

About 2 weeks before raya last 2 years back we went together by van company you yang amat amat buruk to see our car area Econsave..and that nite again we been there sampailah kereta tu jadik milik kita.Terlalu banyak kenangan dengan kereta tu in which i dont wanna trade it with anyone.

Sebenarnya i dont want that car at all..but i cant bare seeing other ppl been in that car.You know how we create our memory in that car kan? You know how hard our life before we have that car rite? semua tu i cant bare to trade it with others...saya tak sanggup..

Funny part kalau ada org lain duduk my place i can detact..tul tak? :)

Sticker kereta "wild girl in car" kita carik sesama..remember?

Did you remember how i took videos of you singing on our way to office?Did you remember that almost every nite we went out ..we spent our time bercakap dalam kereta? i missed that moment...i really do...banyak yang berlaku dalam kereta tu..even ai diceraikan juga didalamnya...how could i trade those memories wth others..sumpah saya tak sanggup..

Ada reason y i dont want to see you or even me in that car..

Honestly almost 3 months each time ada waja silver lalu depan office i will be looking at it...i will be standing outside the office..and everyday am hoping you will be back taking me home...

hmmm...

Am sorry ... i am not as strong as you...yet am happy that you have find your happiness..soal hati dan perasaan its ok am trying untuk ubatkan hati ni..let it go with flow..but now its still the same as it used to be...

Packing things..

2011-10-26T18:00:00.000+08:00

Today early morning packing my things at his house..alone..yupe its better that way.Dari one box to another till dalam satu kotak tu baru ai tersedar ada baju masa hari nikah..bling bling and its in grey colour..hmmm..flashback all those memories..

Yupe am crying again and again..semua tu masih segar..

Theres moments when he sits beside me and i feels like hugging him and burst to tears and i want him to know how much i miss him...tapi...i know my situation and i know tpt saya..so i trying to avoid looking at him acting like nothing happens..

Macamanalah nak jalani hidup selepas ni? yupe am too scared!terlalu takut till i dont wanna think anymore..hmmm..

Makin lama makin susah

2011-10-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

Esok its Deepavali..normally masa kat rumah sendiri in Lumut we normally spend our morning by taking breakfast kat kedai sup yang i miss a lot tu..then pi pasar sesama..balik...relax...or kalau ada duit JJ will be the next stop..hmmmm..memori yang dah lama...a year back..

But tomorrow a new memory will be born..i will pack all my things yg ada dalam rumah tu..thn when am out means i will never be back in that house..i hate that house!! sejak duduk situ tak pernah rasa aman...kenangan hitam terlalu banyak dalam rumah tu..hmmm

Hari Khamis malam gerak balik ke KL then on Friday itself will be back again to KT since on 1st of Nov i have to attend a workshop for SME at Sumai..takpelah at least ada 2 hari xtra lagi for me to spent with frens here..

Today mum called again...hmm...dahlah cukuplah..its ok..life is a jouney..in a journey there's always a pitstop..and in a journey tak semua perjalanan smooth..pasti ada bengkang bengkoknya..so now jalan yang dulu lurus dan lancar kini jalan tu dah banyak lubang..and untuk dapatkan jalan yang lurus , lancar...terlalu banyak masa terpaksa dikorbankan..jadi now biarlah ai be the one yang turapkan jalan..atau mungkin i will change a new route..yupe am changing my route..untung nasib the route is gonna be smooth or berlubang ..let the faith decide.

Yeah ai wish i could just burst the tears..tapi banyak dah tak lepas..its been kept deep inside now.I act am strong but am not,i act as if am ok but am not,i make happy faces everyday yet inside Dia yang tahu,i act am ok in life yet am too scared..

Yeah this few days i havent get enuff sleep..too many things in mind now..entahlah...kalaulah its as easy as 1 2 3 untuk luahkan sesuatu..am sure i have done it earlier..so i have decided to keep it all in me..biarlah rasa sakit rasa sedih rasa kecewa itu i keep it to me.Since the day..i havent burst tears in front of my frens..i act as if am happy with my life..nope am not!..takpelah..its my destiny...

4 days to go

2011-10-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

Went back around 6pm tadi..mandi and dok relax..and mum called..

she said this ..."sampai saat ni mak masih sayang dia"

How would i react? I have not sleep for 2 days now..theres lots of things playing in my mind..yes i miss him a lot...and its over now..

Yupe each time i hear mum's voice secara automatik airmata ni mengalir ... if mum were in front of me now she will see me cry..

Entahlah ..bagilah masa for me to get over with all this..cakap mmg mudah melaluinya?

...................

2011-10-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

I have nothing in mind..its 1.33am now and i cant close my eyes even...

I keep looking outside in rain...

Sekuat angin yang tiup diluar..sekuat itulah perasaan dalam hati ni..

Kenapa malam ni saya rasa sunyi?? dari tadi airmata tak henti mengalir...

Kuatkan aku...aku dah penat sangat...

Too tired...

Keep on repeating

2011-10-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

Hari ni cuaca amat amat panas..and i've been like donkey in and out of the office settling problems create by a trouble girl!! sewel rasa!!

Yupe saya masih terasa dengan kata kata hina mereka..but its ok..life still a long way to me.And today sampai rumah singah kedai bawah rumah and beli air sampai 2 bekas sebab haus gilerrrr...

And now in bed keep on listening to a song sang by Rascal Flatts and Natasha Bedingfield called Easy.Yupe its easy ppl see me,my life but deep down let me keep it to myself.Tho banyak kali dengar lagu ni my eyes tetap berair.Something in that song that makes me cried.Anyway its a nice song tho.

2day Kak Ta,Kak Zura and Fairos belanja Pizza yang banyak cheese tu..alahai muakkkkk...sedap mmg lah tapi 1 slice enuff lah..senak perut weiiii..anyway to my lovelies thank you!! gonna miss you all damn mucho!!

Am tired

2011-10-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

Today after talking with mum yeah setiap kali mulut ni berbuka bercerita ttg hal dia pasti airmata ni tetap jatuh.Yeah i look ok but deep inside hanya Dia yang tahu..yeah am getting to tired dengan semua ni..

I know mum know that am in badly shape now.She knows me very well..

Am gonna settle semua ni secepat mungkin..biarlah apa yang ada jadi milik dia.Saya bukan orang yang sekejam itu.Ada masanya hati ni meronta untuk membalas dendam atas semuanya..but the end am the one yang mengalah..biarlah..

Biarlah airmata ni jadi teman paling setia.For this few night yupe am becoming fragile again...hmmm...am back macam masa memula...

Saturday peeps

2011-10-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

Hei its Saturday ..woke up awal lah gak..packing things up then mandi terus ke office dgn x makan semua..pi office bukan buat apa pun cuma ingat nak lepak but there certain things that i need to settle.

Since ai malas nak duduk rumah sebab hmmmm kang banyak plak budak sorang tu bukak cerita yang i think semua tu propa lebey..malash nak dengar so kuar lah jap tenang tenang kan fikiran.

Then ke bank settle kan semua tu..pi kuar mam with Ti kat bus stand...i dont know but i have the feeling that she is actually kuar wth someone yang i know..and i dont know why sebab my instict is toooooooooo kuat.You can see my jealousy face babe.Sumpah!

A few weeks back ada customer dtg and tergedik2 infront of me.Since sblm ni ai ada handle kes dia ai bole sound dia direct with muka yg bengang and jeles sebab dalam fikiran ni lain in which dia adalah one of a kind yg suka kacau rumahtangga org ..sedangkan ai dont know lah kan samaada betul atau tak but honestly mmg ai tinggi suara lah dgn dia.Ai tak sedar am doing that till a friend of mine tegur...argh!!! teruk kan?

Dulu masa memula lagi teruk..ai did not even look at customer perempuan coz in my mind semua jenis plastik yang suka kacau kehidupan org lain..pfffft!!! Dont blame me lah babe sebab benda ni macam tak dirancang..mmg the feeling tu tetiba jer..ai sendiri tak sedar ai buat tu semua..gila psycho kan?hahahah...lantakssss

Cry

2011-10-22T14:19:00.000+08:00

This time was different

Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you? I'll never know

I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do, stay away from lovin' you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show, you won't see me cry

Easy?? No way....

2011-10-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

The truth is

That I miss lyin' in those arms of his

But I don't ever let it show

I laugh and I act like

I'm having the time of my life

as far as he knows

Should i Give Up????

2011-10-22T09:15:00.000+08:00

Should i give up?????

Planning

2011-10-21T15:03:00.000+08:00

So this week my schedule is quite tight..first nak kena ukur korset org..then nak kemas barang bagai..which i need to start today but malas melanda..so pack sesikitlah japgi..then nak kena pi Mahkamah Syariah untuk selesaikan tuntutan dan cara nak tuntut.Next week jugak i need to focus my trainning to staff baru yang 2 orang..argh!!!

Anyway talking bout tuntutan..yupe i will tuntut apa yang pernah dijanji dan apa yang wajib serta apa jua yang jadik milik ai.Bukan tuntutan harta kepunyaan dia coz dia tiada harta and ai mmg tak nak duit dia langsung..apa yang ai tuntut kan adalah segala apa jua hutang serta hak ai.Yang lain mmg ai tak kuasa nak tuntut.

As told before cerai bukan mudah.Nak lagi pada dia? hmmmm..now saya dah mmg tutup segala pintu hati ni baik buat dia or any man in the world.U dont have to shut your doors to me coz ai already seal it..

You wanna see me fight? yes am fighting it now..you cannot be cabar kan? so now u dah cabar ai and we see apa yang ai akan buat!!

Another few more days to go

2011-10-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

Yupe my staff yang gantikan ai dah ada and 2 org been sent it to me to be trained.So far i can see that they can do it.Alhamdulillah..lega hati ini when it comes to work..

A friend of mine today duduk pandang ai when am so bz doing my work..suddenly.. "Sab ko janganlah pindah.Ko duduklah sini" and she's saying this with her eyes bergenang..tuhan sajer yang tahu perit pahit manis yang am going thru rite now.Percayalah sekeras mana pun hati ni jauh dalam diri am too damn fragile.And i love them all with all my heart.

But cahaya yang selama ini saya sayang,yang selama ini saya gilap dah malap dan dah tak nampak cahaya dah..and i need to go..i need to find cahaya lain..

Makin dekat harinya makin susah saya nak tinggalkan mereka yang sokong saya when am in deep trouble...

As am writting this the tears turun..yupe i love them...they are my strenght when am here..

Kak zura been a person who called me up when am crying out loud di tepi pantai..Fairos been a shoulder when i need to cried..Kak Ta been my ears when i need to pour the pain..yupe they were my strenght..kekuatan saya selama am here..

Aku doakan agar mereka adalah orang yang dilindungi sentiasa olehNya...

Spending days with friends..

2011-10-19T19:31:00.000+08:00

My last two weeks here am spending my precious time with ppl yang be there for me bila hati ni diguris ,ditikam ...they were always beside me whenever i need a shoulder to cry on.They heard my cries and see my tears.

So semalam been to Manir.Spending a nite at Kak Ta's place.Cooked spiral spaghetti bolognise and carbonara together...banyak gak mam semalam..hihi..

Spend together dengan Kak Zura missing the little teddy Fairos..takpe nnt next week kita spend together makan makan borak borak k babe?..

This few weeks since i know that am going out from here i did spent more of my time with them..had lunch together,had breakfast together...to all insyallah ada rezeki kita jumpa lagi but for sure it will not be here in Terengganu coz i have promised myself untuk tidak jejakkan kaki ni kesini lagi...not once pun..once am out i will be out forever..

10 days more to go!!

2011-10-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Buat countdown supaya i can be ready to kemas segala barang mak nenek..so today agak bz and agak penat..yupe agak banyak keje yang pending and due to that balik umah kul 6.30pm..argh!!!

So manage to clean up all my pending status...

Start today tak masak dah..ngeheee..malash nak beli barang bagai..hihi..makan apa jer yang ado..koser nak beli ikan bagai..

But tetiba lah plak tekak nak mam laksa JOhor...why lah!!!!! Weekend ni tgh buat kira kira nak masak laksa or nak mam nasi ayam..hahahah..yupe i love cooking but since divorced ni mood nak masak dah kelaut arr..

There's 2 things ai nak buat..one is Pavlova cakes..and another is tht 2 recipe yg dalam pertimbangan...

Pavlova tu try jek..mana tau rezeki di tpt baru ai can make some income dgn jual cakes..hihi..at least KL wa leh pow mahal mahal..hehe..and brg cake sana murah sikit dari sini..ai loike!!!!

Who knows my dream jobs is to have my own cafe terlaksana gak..yummylicious sungguh!!! insyallah..target before age 40 i have all the things i've lost before..except for LELAKI..coz selagi tiada yang 50 tu selagi tulah hati ni tertutup.. :)..trust a man?? NO MORE babe..i trust a man for 7 years and betrayed in just a blink..so tutup buku for man for timebeing ...

Anyway...japgi mau mam bihun sup and laksa bole??? hahahhaha.....asal nak period jer makan sebanyak banyaknya....oppsss ths week insyallah leh pakai PB...hahahaha

50 Langkah suami mithali

2011-10-17T21:19:00.000+08:00

1. Pasang niat dan berdoa untuk menjadi suami terbaik. Tanpa berniat dan berdoa anda tidak mungkin jadi suami yang cemerlang. Ramai suami terlupa.

2. Bersyukur kerana mempunyai pasangan hidup. Yakinlah bahawa isteri anda adalah pasangan terbaik yang Tuhan tentukan untuk anda. Ketentuan Tuhan adalah yang terbaik.

3. Suami mithali menjadi kebanggaan isteri. Pastikan anda membentuk sifat positif dan istimewa. Cuba tanya diri apakah sifat atau amalan yang boleh dibanggakan oleh isteri anda.

4. Setiap hari pulang dengan senyum dan bersemangat. Apabila suami tersenyum, isteri dan anak-anak akan bahagia dan rahmat Tuhan akan turun. Senyumlah apabila sampai ke rumah.

5. Pastikan anda ada masa untuk berbual dengan isteri setiap hari. Semua isteri bahagia apabila dapat berbual dengan suami. Berapa minit yang anda luangkan unutk berbual dengan isteri setiap hari ?

6. Telefon isteri ataupun hantar SMS sekadar untuk menyatakan yang anda sayang ataupun rindu pada isteri. Isteri anda akan berasa seronok dan bahagia apabila mendapat panggilan ataupun mesej tersebut.

7. Hiburkan hati isteri anda dengan bercerita, buat lawak atau gurauan yang mesra. Setiap gurauan mengubat hati isteri dan mengeratkan hubungan suami isteri.

8. Pastikan anda bergurau senda dengan isteri di dalam kenderaan semasa dalam perjalanan ke tempat kerja ataupun ke mana sahaja. Ramai suami membazir masa dengan membisu semasa di dalam kenderaan.

9. Amalkan makan bersama setiap hari. Berbual mesra dan nasihat menasihati semasa makan. Amalan ini akan menarik hidayat Tuhan dan mengeratkan hubungan. Elakan berbual perkara yang melalaikan semasa makan.

10. Ajak isteri mandi bersama sekali sekala. Bergurau senda semasa mandi bersama adalah sunah yang dapat mengeratkan hubungan suami isteri.

11. Bantu isteri melakukan kerja rumah. Ini adalah sunah yang dapat meringankan beban isteri, mengeratkan kasih sayang dan menbahagiakan pasangan anda.

12. Amalkan mesyuarat keluarga sekerap yang mungkin. Amalan bermesyuarat menarik hidayat Tuhan,mengeratkan hubungan dan menyelesaikan banyak masalah.

13. Pastikan penampilan anda anggun, kemas, bersih, wangi, sihat dan ceria. Ramai suami inginkan isteri yang mengancam, tetapi mengabaikan Penampilan diri sendiri. Mana adil ?

14. Didik isteri dengan memberi nasihat dan perigatan secara hikmah. Jadikan tindakan dan amalan anda sebagai contoh teladan yang cemerlang. Elakan cakap tak serupa bikin.

15. Berikan nafkah kepada isteri mengikut keperluan keluarga dan kemampuan suami. Ramai suami mengabaikan nafkah kerana isteri bekerja. Ramai suami yang kedekut dan berkira. Ini menyebabkan isteri derita dan rumah tangga terancam.

16. Jadikan penawar hati kepada isteri. Ambil berat keperluan dan kemahuan dan peka kepada emosi dan situasi isteri. Isteri yang bahagia membentuk keluarga sejahtera

17. Sentiasa taat kepada semua perintah Tuhan dan memastikan keluarga juga patuh kepada Tuhan
18. Suami mithali sentiasa menyimpan rahsia isteri. Ramai suami secara sengaja ataupun tidak sengaja menceritakan keburukan isteri kepada orang lain. Ini wajib dihentikan.

19. Muliakan keluarga isteri seperti keluarga sendiri. Ada suami yang menbeza-bezakan antara keluarganya dan keluarga isteri. Ada suami yang memusuhi keluarga isteri. Anda bagaimana ?

20. Bentuk sifat cemburu yang positif. Cemburu tanda beriman, sayang dan endah. Suami yang tidak cemburu adalah dayus. Isteri amat suka apabila suaminya ada sifat cemburu. Dia rasa dihargai.

21. Jadilah suami yang pemaaf. Syurga isteri di bawah tapak kaki suami. Maafkanlah isteri setiap malam sebelum tidur supaya rumah tangga bahagia dan isteri mudah masuk syurga.

22. Tegur kesilapan isteri dengan hikmah dan kasih sayang. Isteri merajuk bukan sebab ditegur, tetapi cara ditegur yang kasar. Apabila suami kasar, isteri jadi takut, bingung, hiba dan memberontak.

23. Gunakan Nabi Muhammad sebagai model. Hidupkan amalan sunah dalam rumah tangga. Sebut nama rasul apabila mendidik dan menasihati keluarga bagi mendapat hikmah.

24. Mendahulukan keperluan isteri daripada orang lain. Ini adalah tertib memberi khidmat. Ramai suami yang melebihkan orang lain daripada isterinya. Elakan kesilapan ini.

25. Suruh isteri dirikan sembahyang dan ibadah lain. Apabila berjauhan, telefon ataupun SMS bagi mengingatkan sembahyang.Wasiatkan isteri untuk sembahyang fardu dan sunat. Buat pesanan ini sehingga suami meninggal dunia.

26. Cintai isteri sepenuh hati. Cintai tanpa syarat, bertambah mengikut usia, penuh kemaafan, memberi tenaga,tidak pernah sensara serta berteraskan iman dan takwa.

27. Sentiasa berubah secara positif. Sebelum cuba ubah isteri dan keluarga, ubah diri dulu. Apabila suami berubah, keluarga akan turut berubah. Apabila suami cemerlang, isteri akan gemilang.

28. Pamer keprihatian yang tinggi terhadap keluarga. Ramai suami tidak ambil kisah dengan keluarga mereka.Cuba tanya apa lagi khidmat tambahan yang patut berikan kepada keluarga.

29. Pamer kematangan yang tinggi. Orang yang matang tenang, sabar, waras, bijaksana, dapat membuat keputusan dan cekap menyelesaikan masalah.

30. Memuliakan semua perempuan bukan sekadar isterinya. Ramai lelaki cuba hormat wanita tertentu sahaja.Ramai isteri yang kecewa terhadap suami yang menghina atau tidak hormat sebarang wanita termasuk pembantu rumah.

31. Bentuk beberapa sifat wanita yang terpilih dalam diri suami. Nabi Muhammad amat pemalu, pemaaf, peka,endah dan mudah menangis. Sifat wanita yang ada pada lelaki menaikkan martabat lelaki dan lebih disayangi wanita.

32. Mahir dalam menguruskan keluarga. Peka dengan masalah dan karenah ahli keluarga, cekap mencari punca masalah, mencari alternatif penyelesaian dan memilih penyelesaian yang optimum.

33. Membaiki diri secara berterusan. Tingkatkan iman dan takwa, cuci hati dengan sembahyang taubat, istighfar,memaafkan dan minta maaf, berkawan dengan orang yang baik, pendapatan yang berkat dan baiki amalan dan tindakan.

34. Jadi contoh atau model terbaik untuk keluarga. Doa dan usaha supaya setiap perbuatan anda dapat dicontohi dan dibanggakan ahli keluarga. Apakah sifat dan amal anda yang dapat dicontohi oleh ahli keluarga ?

35. Jadikan diri anda pendorong dan motivator berkesan unutk keluarga. Sentiasa beri galakan dan belaian. Elak marah, kritik ataupun hina keluarga. Fikir positif dan bersangka baik terhadap keluarga.

36 Tingkatkan ilmu berkenaan agama. Lazimnya, suami yang mendidik keluarga berkenaan agama. Belajarlahilmu agama dengan niat mendidik diri dan keluarga.

37. Sentiasa menegakkan kebenaran. Tegas menyatakan apa yang buruk dan apa yang baik. Elak mengenepikan kebenaran semata-mata bagi menjaga hati ahli keluarga. Tegakkan kebenaran dengan hikmah.

38. Bertindak tegas dan lemah lembut mengikut situasi. Tegas dalam menyeru ke arah kebaikan. Lemah lembut dalam menegur dan memberi nasihat. Tegas sangat orang memberontak, lembut sangat orang pijak.

39. Latih diri memuji dan menghargai isteri. Ramai suami yang pandai kritik tetapi tidak tahu memuji. Belaian merawat emosi dan fizikal isteri dan membuat dia terasa disayangi. Cari peluang untuk sentiasa memuji.

40. Cari peluang untuk bertindak romantis terhadap isteri. Ini termasuk senyum, lemah lembut, sebut sayang tiga kali sehari, buat sebelum disuruh, sentuhan sayang, pujian dan memberi hadiah.

41. Fahami yang isteri ingin selalu di sisi suami. Suami pula berjauhan dengan isteri sekali sekala. Apabila berjauhan, telefon, SMS ataupun e-mel unutk bertanya khabar, berikan maklumat dan mengubat rindu.

42. Bentuk kerjasama yang mantap dengan isteri. Pamer kesatuan hati dan pendapat kepada anak-anak dan orang lain. Wujudkan kerjasama melalui mesyuarat, berbual, tolak ansur, bermaaf-maafan dan banyak berdoa.

43. Nilai diri daripada kaca mata isteri. Buang sifat dan amalan yang isteri benci. Berusaha keras melakukan perkara yang isteri suka. Apabila isteri bahagia, suami akan bertambah bahagia.

44. Apabila suami melayan isteri seperti mana dia melayan kawan, pasti isteri bahagia. Bayangkan cara anda melayan isteri sebelum kahwin. Ulangi layanan itu sekarang. Pasti hebat kesannya.

45. Suami wajar belajar jadi mengikut setia. Patuhi cadangan, Pandangan dan pandapat isteri yang betul. Jangan bangkang perkara yang baik. Kawal macho dengan saksama.

46. Buat undang-undang dalam rumah tangga. Apabila suami marah, isteri mesti senyap. Apabila isteri marah,suami mesti senyap. Ini mengelakkan daripada bergaduh. Orang tidak boleh bergaduh sendirian.

47. Latih gerak batin anda supaya serasi dengan gerak batin isteri. Serasikan gerak batin dengan berdoa, patuh perintah Tuhan, maafkan isteri, bersangka baik dan lakukan perkara baik untuk isteri mengikut sebarang lintasan dalam hati.

48. Pimpin isteri dengan nasihat dan kasih sayang. Pesan selalu dan nasihat sekali-sekala. Waktu terbaik nasihat adalah semasa rehat, minum petang, waktu bersiar-siar dan semasa hendak tidur.

49. Seimbangkan hidup dengan sempurna. Rajin di tempat kerja, Rajin juga di rumah. Peramah dengan kawan, peramah juga dengan isteri. Disiplin di pejabat, disiplin juga di rumah. Sabar dengan orang, sabar juga dengan isteri. Di luar dan di dalam rumah serupa.

50. Urus stress dengan sempurna supaya keluarga tidak terjejas, lakukan riaadah, berdiet, hentikan merokok,bercampur dengan orang positif, bermain dengan bayi, tengok ikan di akuarium, menyanyi, sembahyang taubat dan maafkan semua orang.

"Pengalaman lalu banyak sangat mengajar ttg lelaki...if ada jodoh i will find someone yang ada semua ini..if there's none of all this can be fullfill..the answer is NO..cause cukuplah pisang berbuah sekali..."

My day

2011-10-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

Today bangun pagi terus berperang kat dapur buat macaroni cheese lagi but less cheese..teheeeee..perabiskan stok makanan dalam simpanan..sbb another 11 days more to go..yippeeee...

Yupe nampak happy kan? Not really..am out for 3 reasons..first i wanna be away from him ASAP coz ada benda yang cant be explain by words..second i wanna gain lots of money (regain back what i have lost for those 7 years) and third..let me be with my own families..

Theres lots of things that i wanna pour it out here..the feelings marah geram suka sedih..but banyak yang tak terluah..nantilah bila tiba masa dan saat semua tu akan terluah.

Yupe here is the only place that i can say whts on my mind..i have this blog before married and since that its always be my best partner.I will pour it all but as i said tunggu saat yang sesuai..

Dulu banyak cerita yang ai kongsikan..but i have deleted it..and i have no regrets doing so..coz remembering those days is just not healthy for me anymore.And my lappy been so cooperative..masa things getting worst virus attacked and semua file pasal dia been deleted..GOOD!!..so its like no turning back..

Yupe semalam ada jumpa dia and honestly dalam hati ni dah kosong and dah tak ada rasa..yang ada hanya sakit luka tu kot..

Insyallah Allah makbulkan doa aku untuk delete perasaan sayang tu jauh dari hati...

Any movie maker or drama maker nak my story tak? Kalau buat drama especially ramai yg sedih nih..hihihi...or shud i just write it and make it drama? hmmmm..gempak seh...

Berganti Hati

2011-10-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

Satu persatu telah kuhapus

Cerita lalu di antara engkau dan aku
Dua hati ini pernah percaya
Seribu mimpi tanpa ragu tanpa curiga
Reff:

Ku tak ingin lagi
Menunggu, menanti
Harapan tuk hidupkan cinta yang telah mati
Ku tak ingin coba
Hanya tuk kecewa (Ku telah kecewa)
Lelah ku bersenyum lelah ku bersandiwara
Aku ingin pergi
Dan berganti hati
Satu persatu telah kuhapus
Nada dan lagu yang dulu kucipta untukmu
Rasa yang dulu pernah ada
Kini berdebu terbelenggu dusta dan noda
Back to Reff:

Kini ku sadari diri ini
Ingin berganti hati
Cinta yang tlah pergi
Harus berganti hati

Harus ku ganti hatiku kini
Ini harus ku ganti
Tak perlu ini lagi harus berganti…

Another 12 days

2011-10-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

Yupe lagi 12 hari sajer lagi i will away from him..maybe its gonna be forever..for sure i will never ever gonna be back here not for work or leisure..cukuplah ..be here will only makes me remind of him.

2 kali i've been cheated,betrayed by man from here.Cukuplah..

Rite now am away from everyone..having my whole day in front of the sea by myself..meredakan hati yang sememangnya tak pernah tenang..

All i pray that kehidupan selepas ini akan lebih tenang,..x perlu cerita ttg siapa yang akan hadir dalam hidup ini kerana sesungguhnya saya serik..airmata ni tak akan pernah kering walau sejuta tahun lagi..dan luka ini takkan dapat diubati walau apa cara sekalipun..

Biarlah dia dengan kehidupan dia..selepas kaki ini melangkah keluar dari sini i will never turn back.Am gonna start my new life.Walau susah sekalipun i know that i have my families that always be next to me and i have my frens who always be there for me.

almost every nite i pray that biar rasa sayang dalam hati ni pada dia dihapuskan..so thts its easier for me to move on..

to him..congrats coz youve got what you want..

1st November

2011-10-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

1 November 2010 banyak bawak kenangan for me..masa tulah i've been transferred to Terengganu.Masa tu sebagai seorang isteri i thot i have made the rite decision after 2 months been away from him.Masa tu hanya emails and phone jadi penghubung and its so difficult.Di Terengganu its been only few months hati rasa tak selesa dengan kerja and house surroundings.Yelah dari rumah sendiri yang besar,cantik ke rumah yang kecil,panas and tak selesa..and also been surrounded by his family members..Masa tu betapa banyak makan hati tak perlulah saya cerita since everything been kept as my memories..

Life have never been easy for me sejak tu..with keadaan kerja yang stressful..lately ni lagi stress.and keadaan diri dia yang jarang ada dirumah..and also keadaan kewangan yang sangat sangat tak menentu..A year later on i have been divorced by him with lots of excuses yang mana ai sendiri tak tahu..so let it be..

Now the same date different year i will be away to Shah Alam empty handed...i know last year have been a harsh year for me..i pray to God that lepas ni semua akan berjalan lancar tho i know susah but .if i have to crawl i will,if i have to jump i will and if i have to beg i will..

Cukuplah setahun ni..and i am not gonna repeat it again..let me heal my own pain..tho i know it will never ever gonna heal..but i promise that i will never hurt it again anymore..